Red Is the Color of My Heart

2010-10-21T10:06:00.002+08:00

wow. i forgot my blog address that i had to search out links somewhere to find it back XD.

Time is moving very fast indeed.

Now i'm in the first trimester of my 3rd year of this Masters program. We are already in the 6th week out of 10.

I am currently preparing a biographical sermon on the Biblical character Daniel, for Homiletics II. There are 2 more sermons to prepare, one more for Homiletics and another for church.

The weather is turning cool :) but within this few days, a big taifoon-like wind is bound to hit us. It is one of the strongest winds in the past 20 years, and the strongest wind storm this year.

* spider webs

2010-02-22T13:41:00.002+08:00

So i am back here in blog again, and there is a lot of dust and spider webs in every corner :P

But the only space i'll clear off the webs are just at the doorway... and i'm outta here again :3

I surprised myself !

2009-10-10T20:12:00.003+08:00

haha it's been ages, i know~

i can't believe that i had actually TOTALLY forgotten all about my blog for months, almost like it does not exist, and all this while i did not even think of it !

Interestingly, i found myself getting back into writing the traditional dear diary thing, the kind where you manually write things down in the pages of a notebook, using a pen or pencil, and then you hide it at some secretive place.

Yet, there is one significant change in the way i write: i no longer write in complete, coherent sentences!

Extract from my diary:

" 7 oct-running expedition by Jimmy. injured toe at long jump.

8 oct- late. no more food. shared breakfast with me. kept & gave me last piece of choc :) din't eat it coz of 豆豆(pimple). said if i get one new 豆豆 after eating it, will chia me. "

... and even earlier ones went like this:

" Mon. bad-hair-day. guzheng matter- sad-puppy-cookie-taken-away :'( "

Suddenly, one day is over again!

理想。

2009-07-01T00:54:00.000+08:00

这个理想真的是个理想，理想到这么理想～

有时候，这个理想～真的怀疑自己有没有勇气要。

否认。

2009-07-01T00:18:00.003+08:00

我否认自己的感受，也否认自己的思想，否认自己很有理想，否认心里深处不移的希望。

其实，好像……开始……有点不能否认自己在骗自己。

醒悟

2009-06-11T09:01:00.002+08:00

如果没与你相遇，我也永远不会知道这短短的生命里没有哪一小块。

some thoughts

2009-05-04T10:15:00.002+08:00

Relationships are burdensome...feelings are troublesome...singlehood is freedom...just to have a spark of emotion for another person is tiring...

until a day comes when God helps me truly appreciate that relationships are not a burden, feelings are not troublesome, and singlehood becomes lonely, and when liking another person does not make me stressed--and despite all the trouble and confusion come what may, i am willing, and matured enough to fight it through with my all heart,

then that is when i love truly.

now:

I LOVE BEING SINGLE !!!
I LOVE BEING SINGLE in reality and in my thoughts, and just let everything come to pass when it should.

Sometimes we want to wait until we meet 'the one' who suddenly sends sparks and stars in our eyes, about whom we say 'aha!' and ' i must have him/her'. But maybe that happens too easily.

I have come to understand that, it is very easy to 'have' someone. The question is how much do i really have to 'have' someone? Sometimes 'the one' could be just there without causing all the explosive 'chemistry reactions', but rather the mild yet very significant changes.

So it is not :

'ah, he is so awesome i gotta be with him'.

you see, people come and people go, (and of course we cherish and upkeep different friendships to various levels), that is what will happen all the time.

And the real test comes when he/she is about to be separated from us. And of course, this may not mean much to mere acquaintance where there is no deep friendship.

So even after building a deep friendship over time, the test comes when separation looms in. It would usually show how much one had taken for granted while that person was around everyday. But if that does not make me realize what i had taken for granted, i guess it would be just as ironic, but does not affect me much.

'omg! i cannot just let him walk out of my life now!'
so until i can actually think and feel this way about someone with all honesty and fervor, which so far i have never actually experienced myself before- i may have just liked people but not enough to be called love.

So while i am free, and carefree, i'm really enjoying my life ^^

Here is a nice song a friend sent to me :)

笑紅塵(歌詞)

紅塵多可笑，癡情最無聊，目空一切也好
此生未了，心卻已無所擾，只想換得半世逍遙
醒時對人笑，夢中全忘掉，嘆天黑得太早
來生難料，愛恨一筆勾消，對酒當歌我只願開心到老
風再冷不想逃，花再美也不想要，任我逍遙
天越高心越小，不問因果有多少，獨自醉倒
今天哭明天笑，不求有人能明瞭，一身驕傲
歌在唱舞在跳，長夜慢慢不覺曉，將快樂尋找

interesting and catchy

2009-04-27T10:04:00.002+08:00

I was studying a volume of 'foreign languages' vocal music scores of various music composers of Hong Kong, which, of course includes a few works of my Shifu.

Then I came across a kind of suite or songs cycle of 5 called "Full of Love Ibound". It is based on Medieval poetry texts written by an Anonymous, and arranged by modern day composer with VERY 20th century-style melody and accompaniment (gosh, all that 'horrible' sounding harmony! It's a love song by the way! But it's cool) As expected of Medieval poetry, the texts were some sort of 'patchwork' and sometimes does not seem to make good 'sense', instead sometimes invokes a dry sense of humour.

The 5th piece of the collection "He that Will Be a Lover" caught my attention. Not only were the text 'funny' in itself, but the way each word and syllable is set to the music is even more...erm....it makes one can't help but say "WHAT?!" ... ...

He that will be a lover in every wise,
He must have three things which Jaimie lacketh;
The first is (music music music...)
goodlihead at point devise,
goodlihead at point devise,
The second is, (music music music...)
man-ner,
man-ner
man-ner which man--hood maketh,
which man---hood maketh,
The third is
good--------------(and i see a stream of musical squiggles going up up up and down down down)
good-----------------(omg decatuplets demi-semi-quavers@@)
good----------------------------------------------(chromatics and all that crazy sounds and finger-work..helpppp)
that no woman hateth,
Mark well this---that lovers will be
Must needs (just observe this strange grammar here!)
have one of these three.

See? One can read this poetry in 10 seconds. But one can sing this for 3-4 minutes! The piano accompaniment makes me faint- like trying to split one hair into 10 strands@@

Besides, does that look like a piece of wisdom - criteria for a lover?! For me, all the 3 is definitely not convincing enough, and yet the last line says 'one of these three'... ...just ONE OF ?? Lols!!

Maybe that is why they say 'love is blind'. People will compromise their standards. But since no one can be perfect, this is when love is needed to forgo some less important things. Otherwise, it will really be hair-splitting!
------------
But this is still not the 'worst' ^^ There are songs that lasts for a couple of minutes in which the singer only sings ONE WORD for ONE TIME:
"A~________________________-men~~~~~~~~~~~~."

好修女

2009-04-22T11:18:00.002+08:00

Mmm. The most fresh-from-oven song. baked this dawn at 4 a.m.
I don't really know why i wrote this. maybe it's just some strange complex in me.
shruggss. i have not really figured out myself. yea. maybe it'll be good to be a nun. but if applied to me, it may be for the wrong reason, that is to escape all these emotional complex. and God will not be exactly happy with me. Anyway, why are girls like this huh? why are guys like that huh? ' I WANT TO BE A NUN!'

好修女

(verse1)
寻问生命的元首
多情多疑的我
问我的名字到底哪里出了错？

或许无智的懒惰
用私心的借口
为逃避感情责任好理由？

(verse 2)
寻问生命的元首
多情多疑的祸
问我的名字到底哪划不是我？

或许心里太软弱
怕自己做太多
为逃避感情责任好理由？

(chr)
我是否被命定成为一个修女？
一生一世只爱着上帝
我是否也可以摆脱俗情
乖乖做个好修女？

我是否被命定成为一个修女？
唯独圣经唯一封情书等于
我是否也可以那么样不移
认真做个好修女？

@@

2009-04-21T15:04:00.002+08:00

so fine.
I have no idea what has got into me today.
Just feel irritable and grouchy. Partly due to a sleeping very very late and a bad sleep.
with so many things suddenly rained down on my head all in one go, in just one day.
yea, things are clearing up one by one by God's grace.
okay. yep. i realise how hard i am banging on the keybooard now.
maybe i should head over to the piano room or something.

AND I DON'T FEEL LIKE TALKING. TO ANYONE.

Sigh~

2009-03-18T19:05:00.002+08:00

So i had made up my mind to focus didn't I?

Woke up at 230 and studied Greek until 430 and went back to sleep. I woke up at 10 and still remembered what i learned ^^ But missed breakfast way totally :S But God provided me with a banana from my roommate ^^ Today started out bright as good as can be.

But as i thought things would get better today after lunch, it went down the drain until i could not even stand straight, what more to say stand straight or sit straight. I SO BADLY WANTED TO TYPE MY ESSAY!!!! nah, not that i really wanted to, but i had to! Until i felt like fainting that i decided i can take it no more.

Well it was a pain climbing up the bunker too. Agonizing for what seemed like ages, i finally managed to fall asleep for a few hours. And great. The whole afternoon was more or less gone. Jumped up and bumped real hard on the ceiling--again.

Sigh! So much for being a girl at this time. Why now?

...In sickness and in health...i will stay by you---dear computer for the sake of the papers @@ and do you even care?!

Gah. will just have to make the best of whatever time is left tonight -_-

I have made up my mind.

2009-03-17T09:39:00.003+08:00

I have made up my mind.
I have made up my mind long ago.
I have made up my mind long ago to get a good grip.
I have made up my mind long time ago to get a good grip on myself.
I have made up my mind long time ago to get a good grip on myself not to be swerved.
I have made up my mind long time ago to get a good grip on myself not to be swerved by anything.
I have made up my mind long time ago to get a good grip on myself not to be swerved by anything or anyone.

I have made up my mind long time ago to get a good grip on myself not to be swerved by anything or anyone for anything.

I have made up my mind long time ago to get a good grip on myself not to be swerved by anything or anyone for anything which is secondary at the moment.

I have made up my mind long time ago to get a good grip on myself not to be swerved by anything or anyone for anything which is secondary at the moment to the purpose.

I have made up my mind long time ago to get a good grip on myself not to be swerved by anything or anyone for anything which is secondary at the moment to the purpose set before me.

I have made up my mind long time ago to get a good grip on myself not to be swerved by anything or anyone for anything which is secondary at the moment to the purpose set before me because there is a time.

I have made up my mind long time ago to get a good grip on myself not to be swerved by anything or anyone for anything which is secondary at the moment to the purpose set before me because there is a time for everything.

I have made up my mind long time ago to get a good grip on myself not to be swerved by anything or anyone for anything which is secondary at the moment to the purpose set before me because there is a time for everything when what is primary will become secondary.

I have made up my mind long time ago to get a good grip on myself not to be swerved by anything or anyone for anything which is secondary at the moment to the purpose set before me because there is a time for everything when what is primary will become secondary and what is secondary will become primary.

I have made up my mind long time ago to get a good grip on myself not to be swerved by anything or anyone for anything which is secondary at the moment to the purpose set before me because there is a time for everything when what is primary will become secondary and what is secondary will become primary at the right moment.

I have made up my mind long ago.

So i must stick to it!

Let my will be stronger than my heart. I will fight my heart with my will.

But let God's will prevail above all.

RRRR

2009-03-16T18:58:00.006+08:00

Jane's got a serious case of puppy love.

So, i dono what to do about it.
Bite him? Squeeze him? Hug him? And spoil him overboard?

Ahaha@@

WHY ARE YOU SOOOOO ADORABLE ????!!! ><

why are YOU so adorable?

why ARE you so adorable?

why are you SO adorable?

why are you so ADORABLE?

you are so adorable. WHY?

I am stressed. Is there any answer to such a question?

(image from----http://iooginyihs.files.wordpress.com/2007/11/dog_sleeping_5436_1024_768.jpg)

Jyikes!!!

2009-03-14T16:54:00.002+08:00

I so happened to stumble upon a certain blog post of certain persons, concerning some kind of story of
'i am now alone and lonely, there is someone else now, and i eat my lunch alone in the lonely night, you say so from now on you no longer will text me/check on me/show me concern/be there/whatever'......... meaning something like that. Sad story right? Maybe a breakup or something, or some unfaithful friend or what.

The usual me would react to such stories with sympathy, probably even leave a message to comfort and console. That would be a correct thing to do. Or at least, just think 'oh well life is like that...' and just move on.

BUT I FELT VERY COMPELLED TO LEAVE AN ANONYMOUS 'HATE MESSAGE' with COOL SARCASM !!!
'Haha, i salute your skill in destroying people's friendships, but someone else who has skill better than you came along, and now what you wanted the most, the person whom you though you could also tricked into becoming your best friend- pierce your heart! So now drink down the poison you forced down my troat...and feel the pain i felt...you thought you were smart and won, but i tell ya i was just giving you face...knowing i will be vindicated, and so i stare you down today...muahahaa'

So JOLTED was I at the MEANess I am capable of, I nearly tried running away from myself! But myself kept following me!

Well. My side of the story was that, one at-first-good friendship in itself was a time-bomb waiting to explode at the right time, was hoping things can be settled, but yet, this certain person was it. To me, THIS person treated all of us with DECEIT and jealousy, and most of all the other party believed the falsehood and decided i was the one doing the deceit. So maybe that other party was plain naive. It was so cleverly planned, at least i thought so. There was no evidence left around to vindicate my innocence! I was amazed at the ingenuity of that scheme, since being me i am not 'crafty' and i don't know how to scheme. And i felt very betrayed and helpless.

Anyway that was a long time ago. Quite. And i had forgiven them long ago, and just let go of it, and since then all the while it hardly even came into my mind. Good thing I'm an easy going person when it comes to grievances :)

SO I THOUGHT I WAS THAT EASY GOING...this shook me up. Without God's grace I certainly have no way to be that easy going forgiving- born with this character, and/or trained by my parents.

Sheesh. The bad and evil side of me suddenly spiked. I am such a bad person.
Of course I did not post the hate message. If i did that will be the first time! Nah, it is a very immature thing to do. And WAH, the struggle and fight in the heart was simply tough!!

In the end i did not give in to taking action, and this i would consider a spiritual victory.
Yet, even so, the thought itself is EVIL, feeling happy at the suffering of others, whether justified(like my case) or not(plain cruelty),

IS A MORBID SIN.

So yea, I feel extremely bad.

Not Again~

2009-03-09T22:02:00.002+08:00

When now I am the most disciplined EVER with the assignments at hand, my appetite seems to be getting a bit too free-style...I am hungry...

Well i do 'see' some connection between my brain and stomach: as if by thinking (using brain) much then the food i ate will get digested quickly. But this is absurd. I so wanna concentrate on that essay, not digging around looking for food@@

Hello! I made sure i ate more during dinner just now...It was really much more@@ It really was!!

But unfortunately for me this time, i do not have any chocolate or edibles left in my dorm. In the previous previous posts the last Ultimate Big Snack was gone in one go :S

Better still, i have already brushed my teeth -_-

.......wait... i think i did update some stock during the weekend ^^
*goes into the cupboard to check*
.....well, indeed i do have some biscuits....

Ah ah ah~i have already brushed teeth...and worn my retainers.
Lazy...lazy to re-brush. ^^

Time for sleep. Tomorrow Greek quiz again @@
Want to wake up real early for ....

FOOD :P (so you thought i would say REVISE eh? blueks...)

Just a random update

2009-03-09T16:23:00.002+08:00

Now i am left with less than 2 weeks to the end of the winter quarter now.
The list of to-dos never seem to come to an end...but at least i really have to work very hard to make the list end...somehow or other@@

So today:
1. finish attending History lecture at 5:00 (kheeheehee, i am here multitasking in the this last half and hour of lecture.)

2. 5-6 mmm...must remember to print out hard copies of my compositions for the lesson tonight :S Sigh... it is quite different trying to compose something on demand...especially when now i really don't have any inspiration!

3. 6-7 the dinner and bath rush.

4. 7-8 composition lesson

5. 8-9 ZZZZZ

6. 9-10 ZZZZZZ

7. 10-11 ZZZZZZ

ZZZZZZZ

gasp!!

2009-03-03T21:55:00.002+08:00

Aww Shuckss i suddenly realized i had unconsciously finished up a whole block of chocolate!! What have i just done?! I should have broken out just one row and kept the rest back into the cupboard instead of just leaving it on the printer (it is also a wrong place to put stuff too)...

Yikes! I don't wanna get sugar poisoning :S
Oh dear oh dear!!!

* gulping down as much water as possible *

Let Us Panic...

2009-03-03T20:24:00.002+08:00

NOW!

The Winter Quarter is coming to an end- in just 2.5 weeks.

What?!

In moments like this, i just don't feel like going to my desk.
It is now in a total mess and i don't like it @@ books here books there books books everywhere old macdonald had a farm, eeya eeya oh! Besides, there are other stuff scattered around, which i feel lazy to waste time clearing off.

Yet if i don't clear them, i cant seem to find a place to rest my hands while doing all the typing and research...

The bad cycle eh~ Ohh i hate to see things in a mess, yet i am the one making the mess. Haha.

And amid all this, suddenly i have this craving for anything that is edible, and yes, junk food is the most convenient. But thanks to myself, i had gotten rid of all possible sources of junk last week already either by eating them or giving them to friends, and stopping myself from buying any stock even if there is a discount.

Argh, and i had missed my exercise routine for about a week now :S This is bad...

ok.. have spent enought time recollecting my thoughts and gearing in for some hard-core research.
Rather panic now than panic the night before the due date :)

蛋黄

2009-02-27T16:12:00.005+08:00

一份情：

敲开一粒生、未煮熟的鸡蛋，用筷子轻轻夹起来蛋黄……
故与蛋白分开……

将它从一个地方……夹到另一个地方………………轻拿……轻放……

一份情：

要护卫

--------------------
>"< sweat...why suddenly can think 起来 this kind of metaphor ?!

(acknowledgment: source of egg picture:
http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i267/mikey_arts2/CrackedEgg4LR.jpg)

some reflections

2009-02-26T22:14:00.002+08:00

Hmm...perhaps it is time to face it.
Now that my friends have helped me identify the root of the problem.
I am going to confront it! Once and for all! And let it bother me no more!
Still have a long way to go, a few years here so to speak, so better deal with it while it is still in the sprout.
---------------------------
Expressing things verbally is quite different from writing or blogging, and i found it rather tiring and difficult, especially this week, having many events in which verbal participation and communication on a deeper level of thought was very much required. But, i seem to be getting the hang of it bit by bit...phews...what a great week- doing so much talking equivalent to all the talking done over the last month added together...haha. I realized one thing, the only time i feel at ease talking is when talking to people whom i trust, and whom i trust will allow me to get stuck with my words from time to time :)
--------------------------
This is a full week of confronting my fears and terrors! Learning to be bold and fearless again. Regaining confidence on stage, facing an audience, capturing and handling all that heavy attention, and getting messages across in a coherent manner. And most of all, enjoying myself. Yikes.. This used to have been a very natural part of me since my childhood. But i am re-learning all that. I wonder, since when, i began denying and suppressing? What were the past things in life that made me afraid of expression? It's about time now i should match expression with meaningful and matured content, that way, i should have no reason to be afraid.

And now, i am rediscovering, and am reassured: I love the stage :) As much as i did since a child. Audience inspire me.

Just as someone told me, "They are your friends."

冰雹

2009-02-19T08:28:00.004+08:00

不喜欢放飞机人。

不喜欢人放飞机我。

虽然是很微小的事，人对我这样，而说不出什么特别合理可接受的理由，我都不会生气。

或者我认为我不会生气而体谅他人。或者我自己太小气。

但，我也开始发觉自己常常否认、压抑的感受：

伤心。

不知道我这 ‘恒爱’ 的面具可不可能盖过这幅感受的流露。
------------------

我也超不喜欢人一直打断自己或其他人说话。

很多时候我宁愿静静不出声，因为好像一开口要表达，总会有人打断，不让我说。

要等到我打翻桌子大声喊吗？！才不要。才不要像个没有风度的人。

不要看我年幼，是你们的 ‘小妹妹’ 就把我当什么。

我对待比我小 12， 16 岁的小小弟妹都不会这样。

等我 96 岁的时候我都不会打断一个比我小95岁的孩子说话。

这种打断、插嘴的作风---这是什么文化？！

会耐心，留心听完我说一个完整句子的人很稀少。

但是，传福音---我不会停止说的。有耳可听的，就应当听。

------------------

哈。我很冷。冷。
罢了。

突然的灵感

2009-02-18T22:22:00.001+08:00

在什么情况下
一个人可以在另一个人光闪的黑玻璃瞳仁中
发觉其中那小小的倒影
即是自己？

当他在伸手之距离，全神贯注、不眨眼地望着你

很可能他也同时在你的眼里，看得见他自己的倒影。。

Randoms

2009-02-12T19:22:00.004+08:00

What can I say?
I'm confused. . .

. . .in a somewhat nice way

:S

There are times when I found myself smiling to myself for no obvious reason. Ha ha ha.

What is this ? ~

On a different but perhaps related note- Perhaps life is really moving too fast...suddenly one week is gone again and i realized this week i had not been doing my sit-ups as supposed to be on my initial daily routine!

Besides, I realized I did not have any time to feel homesick whatsoever (I had not been home for nearly a month already). Thanks to the phone. ^^

Well, i must say, i am really living life! ^^

And, for a very long time, i did not bump my head on the ceiling while climbing up the bunker-bed :P

Gahh...

2009-02-09T22:23:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow is probably going to be the worst, the most terrible, most difficult, most impossible Greek test that i will be facing ever !!!

Expecting a telur ayam yang besar dan hebat sekali ('big and awesome chicken egg'零蛋).

Only a miracle can change the looming reality... ... >:|

My head feels like scramble egg now :S Hmpf.....

ςερφθσοφηφσδφησφησλφησφξησ;ςερτυθιοπασδφγηξκλλ΄ξωψνασδ λκηφκξ ψηφκξσβφψ σφνησιθψφησιθφψηνδσιθψφηδσψφνδησφδθφιψηνδιθφηψισθηφαψσιθδηφψνιθγησιθφδμηθιρ υξνηγεγοθηειθρψγνηιθγρψεργθυψειθφηςεθιφμηψςμηγψςθγηςεμγθηεμπδοφκλσδηξγξφκδλσκαξηδγφδησξκαλσκδξηφγειξδμψ

@@
κυριου ελεισιον
(if that's how it's spelt?)('Lord have mercy... .... ....')

Crabby

2009-02-04T19:48:00.002+08:00

Today is Wednesday. Woke up with a headache due to poor sleep last night . Had an overheat resulting in a bad cough, resulting in me drinking some concoction of tea or herbs a classmate gave me, resulting in 'unsleepability' last night.

And then, Old Testament Quiz, which i did not prepare enough...
And then, some last minute touch-ups for the music faculty seminar presentation on the Eucharist.
And then, PRESENTATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARRGGGGRGGRGGRG!!!! not much voice, keep having to stop to cough... and it was recorded :S

Then dinner.
Then wanted to go practice piano and revise Greek.

Then, Mooncake saw a crab ^^

Ah, adorable crab! For some strange reason, the crab was hanging around the stone benches in front of the student centre. Mooncake even took a couple of pictures of if on her digital camera. Heehee.. LOL.. because it is really too adorable!

Then we were discussing on how to save it. So i went back to my dorm and found a container.

So now i have crabby with me in the computer lab :) And i showed it to YeeShin. And he tried googling it. Well, we sort of learned that this kind of crab, if that is what it is, eats algae, worms, stones, seaweed, meat..... ...... ...... i don't know... maybe i don't want to keep it as a pet :S

It may die under my care. Maybe i will bring it down to the sea soon ^^

This adorable crab has a flowery shell, eight legs, two clippers, and two adorable eyes. Just dono whether it is a boy or girl...haha

But I am so happy ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^

Feel a bit 'high' for no apparent reason. Wahaha!

Maybe it is because of the crab ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^

On Spending and eating out...

2009-02-02T20:27:00.003+08:00

*Caution: This is MY BLOG. Controlled-anger post. Very blunt. May offend some. Read at your own risk.*

Hmm... it seems that money comes easy for some. Rich and stable support perchance? But even with good support I do not think we ought to squander the resources God gave . I don't know why i am saying this, but really, I am starting to get a complex feeling lately, because of the frequent dinners down the mountain.

You know, every time we want to eat out, we have to fill the meal-return form(退饭表) on the canteen board. But, actually we have already payed the full fee for the meals everyday (and there is no refund policy fyi). So, to go down and eat out is really wasting money, because on one hand we did not eat what we payed for, on the other hand we pay to eat out, and eating out is always more expensive than the rates in school.

I always viewed eating out as something very very special, for very very special occations. I know, maybe certain things are very important to individuals, worth celebrating a big deal, and i will totally agree to that. Some times eating out is because of a certain obligation, very often to the group spirit, but very often i found that such large dinner gatherings are meaningless as people chatter in some vernacular language in a random basis. But, besides eating out, can't there be another way to celebrate? A way that can be more economical at least, in both time and money?

Eating out usually spells trouble on the time management. You see, i am under the gracious scholarship and therefore i need to work hard on keeping the grades to keep up the support. Besides, i must spend some 30 hours per quarter working in the library. Hey 30 hours man! Can produce a few assignments or learn a new piece of music! So time is really very limited for me, to add on the load spent on my major. Well, everything has a domino effect on one another, for me that is. Well, the scholarship only covers the subject fees and not living expenses and practical music subjects. So, i still need to be very careful in spending.

Does it mean we should live like in a monastry, be celibate, shave our heads, have one shirt only, subject ourselves to poverty, and never have a good enjoyable time once in a while? NO Way. We have to be balanced. We are not in the spirit of poverty. Our God is an abundant God, a rich God. Besides we are to enjoy the fruit of our labour. Once in a while is good relaxation and meaningful celebration, while building meaningful relationships.

Lately, whenever i went down the mountain for a meal, i often recieved remarks that goes something like "oh, wa, you are here with us today! You hardly eat with us!" Oh really...its like i see you everyday in the canteen and you never wanted to speak to me, and you never really wanted to listen to what i have to say anyway. I did not mind, and I will not mind ever, but it does affect the decision on whether i am willing to spend that extra money for you, humanly speaking.

I am totally pissed, because every now and then when I once in a while buy something nice, and presumably 'expensive', be it some costly but healthy food like salmon (which i cook during weekends when the canteen does not cater for us), or when i have a new dress or something, and on one occation when during Christmas our family had a turkey for dinner some people give me a kind of 'oh you really are willing to spend and be extravagant' remarks. Fyi we don't even eat that every year, this food for our family thanksgiving does not happen every year; it ain't like a sh*t that happens to you everyday!

To this kind of people, WHO ΑRE YOU?!?!? You spend your money on bits and pieces of stuff A LOT! One of the things this kind of people spend a lot on includes going down the mountain for eating out for every little thing, ranging from valid reasons to 'bored of the canteen food'. OMG...millions of people starving out there, and you are not ashamed of saying that ><||... maybe school should organize a week of fasting one day, compulsory participation! No Joke.

Moreover, when eating out, i noticed that there were always so much leftover!!! Yikes, that never happens in my family, even when we eat out! And it will not happen in MY family in the future!!!! Another is buying junk food. While, I save up carefully in the long term and get one or two things which are of value ( of health, of quality), which yes, may be quite visible compared to the accumulated meals eaten and became sh*t in the toilet the next day.

-------------
I am sorry, because i'd really like to attend one upcoming dinner on Thursday of one friend who's father is seriously ill but recently became a Christian. But out of a certain obligation and gratefulness i had to celebrate the birthday of my big-big sister with my sister and big sister on Tuesday. That makes two big spending in one week. Actually last month a lot has been spent also. New Year and stuffs. Some things just cannot be avoided. Bigbig sister has been very kind towards us and she deserved to be celebrated. She has taken care of me since i came, and helped me adapt here, and she also understands a lot of my doubt and dilemna.

Well, looks like i will have to drop the Thursday event :(........i plan to express my joy and gladness to the friend by some other ways within my means, maybe a card or little token or something. But now i will have to think of a tactful excuse without bringing up the issue of my tight belt, because it is my duty to trust only in the Lord for His providence by His ways for the ministry and life, at the same time keeping integrity and esteem which has yet domino effects all around me.

Eish.

2009-01-29T20:38:00.002+08:00

Sigh. Of all things, i had forgotten to bring along my set of gu-zheng plectras :S
I brought them home on one occasion and forgot to put them back into the metronome/tuner box.@@
I always left a spare set separate from my favorite set in the instrument compartment, but i have no idea now how all of them are now at home!
Will not be going home this weekend because i just came back to the dorm toward the end of this week. Duh. I won't be going home next weekend either because it will be the School Open Day. Hopefully mom or sis will remember to bring it along when they come over pretty please.

But the soonest will only be next weekend :(

This is so frustrating. Forced to be patient.
-------
Yesterday dad said: Opportunities are for those who are prepared.

Hee~

2009-01-28T22:36:00.002+08:00

Wish come true ^^ :P
Today mom really cooked laksa for lunch, which we ate at about 2 or 3 something :D :D
----
Well, as exepected, i brought 12 books home, and brought 12 books back to campus, without finish reading even one of them. And they are due this Friday...lalala...
----
And finally i brought along me bebe to campus! WOooHAAHhh!!

So, introducing me darling bebe lovely sweetheart, (don't get jealous ah), his name is:

古筝

:P

but the stands will come next time round....too many stuff this time..^^

很

2009-01-27T00:55:00.003+08:00

很天真
很成熟
很特别
很融入
很细心
很大方
很知足
很上进

很活泼
很稳重
很认真
很开朗
很谦虚
很自信
很可靠
很和蔼

很年轻
很聪明
很单纯
很次序
很现实
很实践
很大胆
很知己

认识一个这么样的人，有可能吗？

认识一个这么样的人，这么巧吗？

ΧΧχχξξγγ....

2009-01-26T21:50:00.002+08:00

May-day may-day for my vocal cords now...><||

Just back a while ago from my second-granduncle and grandaunt's place in TinTsuiWai...
and this time, i think i ate too much fried stuff--the fried 年糕 and 萝卜糕... ...Well, you know la, the elders ways, keep stuffing you up with food, and you know la, we cannot offend them. This is tradition.

We had a great time anyway ^^So full, that i felt as if i had spoilt my appetite for the next few days.

Now i have to keep going to the sink, practicing the Greek gutteral: χ (read as Ch, as in Christmas, starting with a H sound deep in the throat!). @@ argh! Terrible.@@
------
....now, what about the 12 or so books which occupied 3/4 of my suitcase?????!!!!!! I so cleverly dragged them home... ... ...for Chinese New Year. I sort of regret doing so. But i have 2 more days, err, less than...

So, i keep reminding myself to look at the bright side of things :) There is still hope for me to finish gleaning through the stack of books and consolidating some structure to my assignments.

12 books / 2 =6 books a day
1 day 24 hours,8 hours sleep, 5 hours total for meals, washing dishes and bath, and other ding-dongs.

24-8-5=11hours
11hours/6=
660 minutes/6=
110 minutes=
1 hour 50 minutes for 1 book.

Hmm.. is that possible?? *shrugs.

Argh...

2009-01-25T01:30:00.002+08:00

When you get a new tune of music streaming out from your head...and yet still unable to grasp its meaning...and thus sort of knowing the words that goes with it and yet you don't quite know it...and thus you cant verbalize it...

Annoying.

Home-bound

2009-01-23T14:49:00.004+08:00

And here I am again, but this time in the campus computer lab. I have already packed up all my stuff, including the laptop, ready to go home for a longer holiday-5.5 days to be exact :)

I will be off to the pier in a minute to HeiLingChau for the evangelism, and only after that will i head for home at the New territories. But alas this time i will be bound for an empty apartment because the rest of the family will be attending my dad's corporate new year thanksgiving dinner, which obviously, i will not be in time at all...*shuffles around, checking that i brought along my house keys!*

Anyway, for a change, i will welcome everyone home after their dinner :)

No plans for CNY this year. I just want to finish reading those 10 or so books that i packed and get some of my papers done, at least a draft of some sort for the teachers to evaluate and comment on, so that i may finish well by the end of this quarter.

I don't know if this can happen or not: i do have a secret wish to be able to wander out to WanChai one of these days for LAKSA !!!!!!!!! Secret wish??? nah, since it's bloged here it's no secret already :P Since i came to HK, this is the first time i got some specific info on 'commercial laksa' as to where to find it. Anyway, mom did manage to cook some laksa using some ingredients bought locally, and it tasted quite like the 'original'. But it takes quite a good bit of time preparing it... ...

So according to him, it is near the ABS City Campus (it's my school lah, just that it is a branch out in located in the city). So i have been there for the entrance exams and for interviews, so shouldn't be any problem getting there...Only thing now is, where exactly, in reference to City Campus...Nuts me, i think i asked him before where, but i can't relate it in my head... and it is a good thing that i have quite a poor sense of direction! Nuts... ...

oh, so much about laksa hunting, i realised my writing has gone a bit out of coherence: so refering to the paragraph above, the 'him' is one of my classmates, who took classes at city campus last quarter, also an overseas Chinese coming to HK ...I suppose he had spent some time exploring the surrounding.

Anyway, this CNY will be a very quiet one. A little strange. 2nd CNy in HK. How time flies...

AHH!! I gotta run to down to the pier now or i'll miss the boat!! Happy CNY people!!
Ciaoz!

Run and Hide

2009-01-20T13:13:00.002+08:00

Run and Hide
that's what i want to do
why rush into something
that is just too soon

Run and Hide
while i still have a minute
the faster the run
the stronger the heartbeat

Run and Hide
but from hiding peek
Run and Hide
but from hiding seek.

---------------------
Once a friend told me, love is like flying a kite... ...
---------------------
Right! Enough of all this crapping and start reading your books Ms Jane Ai-ai. Aighhh~

What about winter...

2009-01-19T15:50:00.003+08:00

Just to jot down some very memorable things this winter season...

Actually, beside a few very chilly days, I found myself quite comfortable with the temperature :) I like autumn the best, while i love all the other seasons just as much. The interesting creation of God mah..

The only thing i dislike about winter is going to the toilet. The toilet seats gets so cold that whenever i went in i get a chill up my spine~ litterally...maybe, there is one good thing about squat toilets (the kind of toilet whichs concept is a hole in the ground-just in case some may not know what it is like) Besides, during windy days, i get the wind blowing through the window down right on my butt !! So much that one immedietly looses the urge to do one's own business...

okay, it sounds funny so much that i am here LMAO~metaphorically...hahaha!

??? ??? ???

2009-01-15T19:20:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, i can't help asking myself: Why on earth am i here !?!?!?!

Why am i studying this program? What am i doing here? Where am i heading? What am i doing assignments for? For the sake of getting marks and passing and just graduating? Yes and No.

Do i actually remember the title of my last assignment? No. What have i learned so far? I don't know. Is not what i 'learned' making me more confused than before? Exactly.

Why many subject seems so deviated from my calling and purpose in life? Where is the point of convergence? Why is teaching a core subject? Did i ever want to become a classroom teacher at any point in my life ?!?! Obviously not. Can i do something that does not have anything to do with teaching as in standing in front of students saying somethings?

What has become of my musical inclination? In fact, am i still a musician? Where are all the arts?! Where is the time to practice, without failing all the subjects? Why am i afraid to play the piano inpromtu? Why must it be the piano at all? Why is my sight-reading so bad? Why can't i live up to the expectation people have of a music graduate? Why can't the gu-zheng be used for worship, or singing accompaniment? Why is piano the only 'workable' instrument? Why are most of my compositions non-worship-songs? Why are my songs all so 'personal'? I wonder if such songs can encourage or help people at all...?

Why am i always short of words to say? Why is that i find it hard to verbalize a single sentence without getting jammed up? Is there anyone who is able to sincerely tolerate my silence? Everyone here seems to be preachers and teachers with great ability of speech and verbal expression.

Sometimes i wonder, should i just quit everything, spend all the school fees to treat my hand injuries, play the gu-zheng everyday and just stick to becoming a professional performer, at the same time composing and coordinating performers to perform and record them?

My time seems to be running out fast. But these 3 years i'll just stay put and get all my Theological foundations solid. After all, living life for God is beyond these few years of school.
----------
Now, why do i feel so tired and sick @@

And now i know...

2009-01-14T13:33:00.003+08:00

...the verse in which Paul said when one body part suffers the whole body suffers with it.

So last Sunday I accidentally cut my finger while slicing some fruit. Well, I should have taken more care while cutting, but i should have taken more care in using the right equipment. Who would have used a butter knife to cut fruits over a glass saucer?! :p Well, it fact not exactly on the saucer, but i was cutting fruits using a butter knife while holding the fruit with my hands.. But i had been doing this for years, eating fruits in such a manner and nothing happened....
Righto, so much for the case analysis of my knife. To add to the contributing factors, i was not even concentrating on what i was doing, i was listening to mom telling me about the happenings throughout the week while i was away at school (dorm living).

I ended up with a deep cut in my finger. Although only one finger, that is enough to make my life complicated for this week, especially when i am supposed to fulfill my duty as pianist for Wednesday, which is today...Duh..yeah, today.. The last 3 days i had to practice okay! and well, the plaster inhibited my movement somewhat so i let be loosened. But then the wound opened by itself, and sometimes gets caught in the keys..so owhh. So i had to reorganize some of my fingering to avoid the use of that finger. Same thing applies to typing, washing my hands, or doing anything!!!

Cuts on my hands or fingers are a common thing in my life, because i am a doing-person, my hands do most of the tasks i do, so much that usually it heals within a single day. But this time, it still bled on the 3rd day, which was yesterday, and only today it stopped, and even now the wound is still open ( i mean, when i take off the plaster, i can see my meat inside, and when i wash my hands the water and soap will be retained inside too---mmm what a crude way to describe)

Haizz, why at this time? But at least my piano duty is over today :) Well, i think now i understand why some professional performing musicians buy insurance specially for their hands...

Another Update on life...

2009-01-08T21:54:00.005+08:00

Thanks to my school-friend Joshua that this machine had a good doctoring :) The IE had been giving me problems lately (again -_-") and was on the verge of 'putting this computer to sleep' (reformat) for the 3rd time in half a year! So, yipee!! Now with his help I had a smooth transition from IE to Firefox, in which i am blogging in now :p (Supposedly reading my History material, but well...)
---
This week was rather hectic for whatever reason..one thing for sure, life is really getting back to normal. Normal as in rushing around and 'scheming' (think think think)with all my wits. Lols!

I found myself doing things in a rather absurd manner this week, such as forgetting to bring in my towel for a bath, taking off one side of socks and forgetting to take off the other side...and endless times bumping my head into the cupboard and the bunker-bed ladder@@

What else? My HK colleagues 'threatened' me with 'very cold weather' today, so initially i planned to wear many layers of clothes after a shower. Well, the sleeves and the colar of one particular shirt are supposed to show out from another pullover with short sleeves and a low neck-line...over that i was supposed to wear another wind-cheater or something...(After getting all dressed i looked like a burger).

And i found myself wearing that one shirt reversed! So, i had to 'unparcel' myself all over again to get that shirt un-reversed...In the end i felt so warm and decided to change again-just took all that clutz off in exchange for a simple t-shirt (of course with an inner layer again lahhh).

That was enough. The End :p

Ta-daa!!

2009-01-05T20:48:00.002+08:00

Hello there :)

So, what actually happened was that i had this place 'closed down' temporarily for the past few weeks (or was it months?) for spring-cleaning and renovation. Nonono, it's not that i have blocked out your email or IP address that a screen pops up saying you need a password. Now we have this white layout instead of the previous black-somewhat depicting the 'dark-side' in me, in exchange for a more positive outlook. Perhaps colors does influence us no?

Well, i thought i'd like a new clean white look (though i'd much like to have red all over the place), and clear up heaps of rubbish-posts posted previously. I'm getting very serious with life weiii~ inside out... and i like it this way.*shruggs* i mean, i am always serious with life.

I am getting more realistic in life..put it this way-guess it makes more sense.

As the saying goes : we are what we write...if there is such a saying at all...haha.

Anyway, in this new year, despite that everything feels the same as last year, i do anticipate some variations. Hopefully some surprises... ...

Anyway-my 2008 wish and prayer: Father in Heaven, I need a life-companion. Seriously. Show me in Your timing..

So now my 2009 wish and prayer: Father in Heaven, if You will, may i need not repeat last year's prayer for yet another year...

Perhaps God is already answering, in another way maybe (or not.??), this year the studies is really so heavy on my head that most of the time i found myself praying, God, gimme wisdom quick, help me finish this assignment so i can continue that other assignment!!!!!
Hahaha...

I don't know...we'll see...

haha~

2008-12-07T20:51:00.001+08:00

Hey people, this guy is so cute, call him a 'little man'. May appear to be funny but you bet, there is a lot of sense it that :)

Big Sweat -_-|| and Big Coolness

2008-12-07T17:06:00.003+08:00

Welllll, I don't seem to be the kind of person who can just sit down and pen down 7 of 3000-5000 words essays in one Quarter! Mind you, QUARTER! Not Semester, not even TRImester... ...

Nay, not gonna be swearing xyz about the system of edu here, though it is quite a horror to experience this kind of Rushing Culture- in studies too! What the.... .... ... ....dono what to say also... ... It's not worth my frus anyway :) But rather, i should better make plans to work ahead in the Winter break -1/3 of which is already spent here in the campus dorm fixing up the 2 remaining papers.

On HK Rushing Culture, it may help me to get more diciplined and punctual, but nay, it will NOT change the way i do things.

I will continue to eat my daily meals slowwwlllly, chewing every mouthful properly before swallowing, taking time to think of God's goodness in which i can enjoy each meal in peace. When i have to cook( on hols or weekends), i will spend the time shopping for healthy and balanced foodstuff and spend the time cooking it in a healthy way. I will maintan McD as only an option of change of taste, but not for saving time. Haha! The temptation is great, okay...

I will continue to walk around relaxingly and greet and bless everyone i see :)

I will continue to pay attention to the surroundings, appreciate every moment, live in the present, and continue picking wild flowers and seedpods! :) (my latest hobby) Yay!

I will continue to sleep at 1030 and wake up at 630 no matter what. I will not burn mid-night oil. I will keep up my exercise routine everyday. I will continue to abide by the principle of 'rest', in acknowledgement of my frail human-ness, as even God Himself rested after creating the world.

I will continue to spend time taking good care of my body- in cleanliness, appropriate grooming, and attire. I will not be sloppy, because humans are made in the image of God.

I will continue to keep my room and workplace neat and systematic at all times, as a good testimony of the Systematic and Orderly God Whom we-Bible Students, preach. I will not let my laundry heap up by procastinating to do the washing-no matter how busy, i will find time to do it. It is not that hard- all we need to do is bring it downstairs to the laundry room-less than 30 seconds.

(I am appalled that many of my dorm mates- when i go find them in their rooms, my goodnessssss!!! like the whole place is scattered and crammed with weeks of laundry, kolopok pakaging, tissue papers,rubbish etc etc etc.....among the heap of books also...got strange smell sumore :S aiks) I so adore my roomate and really thank God to have her as my rommie: she is a systematic, sparkling tidy, orderly and responsible person :)

Last of all, I will continue to refuse to complain at all, even when my comrades start expressing their panic and complaints. Because, the more we complain, our attitudes will become bad, then things will get worse, and then more anxious we will become, and then we loose our cool. In the end it does not help in any way. :) Moreover, it is a blessing that i am here with the oportunity to 'suffer' in school in peace and harmony :) Did Christ complain when He carried the sins of the world on the cross???

Haha, what a long list of 'I will's and 'I will not' s...

One paper is due coming Tuesday 5 pm... one other is overdue by 9 days already! I can't belive me... believe me alright! Huhu...

But hehe, kinda like the idea that 'i have grown up' :P Staying back here in campus away from home, in addition, having to cook all my meals (since the canteen cooks are on hols now). Dowan to walk down the mountain everyday in this cold wheather just to eat. Wasting time nia~and mahal jugak...and often very fried and oily.

ahazzz, to update again after all these assignments are fixed.

Dinner time~ciaoz :)

水深火热

2008-11-25T21:32:00.002+08:00

Wednesday/tomorrow due:
教牧品格- read 4 out of 6 text books; self -reflection- 3000 words.

Thurday:
Greek exam
Greek workbook due for submission

Friday:
教会历史-教父思想研究专文-5000 words
教会历史-exam
教会历史-reading record
教牧品格-Read text 《凡人的祈祷》On Prayer-3000 words
教牧品格-devotional-reflection/report-750 words times 3
教牧品格-reading record
神学治学法-reading record

Had been working on these since the begining of the trimester.
All of them are progressing at the same time.
All are more or less halfway done.
The thing is, NONE is actually ready!

这就是水深火热。
水深只好拼游。
火热只好忍。

Huhuhu~

2008-11-13T21:01:00.003+08:00

I am in the Campus Library now- On Duty. Have finished my task checking in the heaps of books and returning them up to their respective places on the shelf^^ So now I just have to sit at the service counter, help those who need help, check in returned books, and wait until 10 to close and lock up the 3 blocks. So as not to waste time i brought lappie in and Pipa-my birthday doggie given by Flame. Planned to do some reading on Irenaeus of Lyons and intended to fix an assignment, but but but. You guessed it...Here i am blogging again!

Suddenly remembered this composition... composed quite a long time ago out of the blue...maybe the recent conversations with people reminded me that this song existed in my folder.. some have shared some of their experiences including such as dating for 10 years (!!) and still broke up in the end.

Sometimes, it is good to let go, when the 'bad signs' appear, for the good of everyone involved :) don't 拉拉扯扯拖泥带水(drig-drig-drag-drag, pull mud bringing water-mycoolness~what kind of translation is this?!)

Leave Me Alone

Verse 1:
I thought, we are over
Why do you come back to me?
We are more than strangers
I guess we are destined to be?

I know, we are over
Why do you hang on to me?
I don't know you, you don't know me
And now I just want to be free!

I am getting used to the fact that you're not in my life
I am glad to be alone for a while
If you see me in town, don't stop to say 'hi'
But stop sending message to my phone

Verse 2:
I thought, we are over
Why do you come back to me?
We are more than strangers
Perhaps we are destined to be?

I am happy to maintain my singlehood profile
I still want to be alone for a while
When you see me online, don't stop to ignore
But stop leaving comments in my blog

Refrain:
Because it's bad for you and me
to continue our fantasy
Because it's good for you and me
to wake up from our shattered dream

Don't come to me for second chance
in case I kill your hopes
Leave me alone, just leave me alone
and let me be!

Verse 3:
I know, we are over
Why do you hang on to me?
I don't know you, you don't know me
And I want you also to be free!

I would love to have someone with whom I'll share my life
But I need to be alone for a while
When I'm lonely and sad, don't stop not being there
But stop showing me that you care

Refrain:
Because it's bad for you and me
to continue our fantasy
Because it's good for you and me
to wake up from our shattered dream

Don't come to me for second chance
Because I’ll kill your hopes
Leave me alone, just leave me alone
and let me be!

Kinda sad hor- if one is on the receiving end of such a lyrics hor~~In short, this song is saying "Stop cha me lah! I want to move on with life dy lah!" Bluekss..

Okay. Back to Irenaeus.

let these bounce off my head...

2008-11-12T19:39:00.002+08:00

yipee~now to count how many things i had gotten of my head before i forget what they were! Hahaha!!

Today:
Finished presentation for the Music faculty with colleage. Ate many many paku and skru coz nervous and not very well prepared. But, it is all over now ^^

This morning- finished Greek Oral Exam. This one went quite well- at least not in the situation of eating screws, and i got full marks ^^ yes, it really does feel good to see that by practicing reading aloud early, the pressure is much less and so the awkwardness of reading a different language :P (FYI had been reading all that Greek few weeks ago, and laughing my head off at how screwish it sounded)

Yesterday-fulfilled my task of playing piano for the daily morning assembly. Only managed to practice so little, and had a rehearsal with the lead singer the night before and 10 minutes before the assembly! Really a scare...but thank God all went rather smoothly despite some slip notes. Later my 学姐gave some feedback today- that i can play even louder next time round, because the acoustics is not exactly too good, and the music is not loud enough to travel to the back of the hall...hmmm, wow...i was already banging all the way worh...really a lot of hand power...but still not loud enough..no wonder our music faculty lecturer really banged away last Sunday when she saved me...

Sunday- yep, the teacher saved me, from playing 8 chordal hymns for the Camp. Reduced to 2 instead. Because the other 6 were so not good enough. What to do, limited time for so many pieces, given late, all totally new....it's like learning Greek man!! Plus my sight reading is too lousy still (though i do notice improvements due to the recent grillings :P). So well, the experienced sight reader playing piano for more than half her life can help me after all. Was quite huffed out la me, coz i felt that i could not live up to the demands of a classically trained musician- in terms of practical executions :S snif snif. And now to date, i had been playing/learning piano for almost half my life now, nearly. But well- half of 50 is 25, and half of 20 is 10...25 is more than double 10 okay. Yups. All this crappish stuff again. I just need to work harder larh~

Saturday-mmmm can't really remember ler... nvm lah..

Oh ya, yesterday was a colleage's birthday :) we had a great time. instead of eating in the canteen a bunch of us went down the mountain to a restaurant. Quite reasonable the price and very nice food. tooooo Big plate. So i let them brothers kiap away some before i start operating the lunch hohoho. Our birthday man is the second youngest student in school...Saya is the youngest larh. Haha. But with all that celebration, none of us remembered to bring a camera!!

aiks..got Greek exam tmr morning on new vocabulary -_-" and about 4 big essays and 4 subjects of readings to be done- all in these 2 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ciaoz..

ημπφ...

2008-10-29T13:53:00.001+08:00

γινωσκω....οιδα...

GRRR。。。

2008-10-16T20:32:00.003+08:00

好。现在不要来吵我。不要与我说话。我脸上虽然看起来还很好脾气，很‘天真’很‘小妹妹’，但也有累的时候好不好？！我虽然比人小，人家活得比我久，我毕竟也已经是个‘成年人’啦，有自己的想法和做事的方法。所以不要老是婆婆妈妈的特别‘照顾’和管我！你们不是我的父母亲，我们彼此之间不是父女、母女关系。我们是同学喂！大家彼此学习，没错，互相关心，都是很好的事。但有些事情我有我方，你有你法，你们要知道很多的事情我不会听从你们的！！因为我不喜欢。我觉得没有好理由。明明看你们的一些主观根本没有根据。‘根据’也不过是你们的一些固执解不开的老思想。这么简单。我不喜欢。

bla-ing out~

2008-10-11T21:25:00.004+08:00

*Yawns*... ... 3 assignments due on Monday..now none is completed yet. That will leave me with another 17 assignments all in this 1.5 month!! Plus Greek and History exams, and a stack of books to swallow....gulp..gulp...GuLP... ... and i just remembered i had procastinated my Greek homework liao, mainly because i still haven't spent enough time understanding its grammar-what genetive accusative nominative case gender lexical form blablabla@@ all jumbled up :S

And yet i am still here boh-liang-boh-juak blogging :P

My-coolness, this book-on which one of the assignments is to be based on- is just so..... sooo....sooooooo......

PHILOSOPHICAL!!!!!!

And heavy. And basically nothing to do with music. So it took quite a while for me to find for my thoughts and understanding an anchor other than music. It's a whole new set of phycological stuff...History is so much livelier and 'realistic'. But anyway, there is much to learn from it :)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*change gear*

You all know the 'monday blues' right?
yes.
Mondays are red, not blue lah.

So thus. But i guess it takes another song if it will. If not maybe Mondays are green after all.
------------------------------------
And hopefully giving you guys some 'brighter' and relatively coherent words other than those above: i love living and studying here in the dorm ^^

Not dead yet, , ,

2008-09-24T09:07:00.003+08:00

Heys people...
This post here is to prove that this blog is not dead yet lar~
I know it's been ages :P
Ermss, blog's been hybernating for a while ya...

and well, erms, it is going to continue napping again...for some time.
Eh eh eh, don't speak, i know what you're thinking--so okokok--

In the next post(hopefully with some pics if time permits), you all will know why lak. (Yes, while some of you already know, i know, hahaha ^^)

By then don't shake-head at me lak.

Take care ppl!!! love you!! hugss!!
Ciaoz..

End of chapter five

2008-08-31T22:19:00.002+08:00

And now, one chapter of my life is about to end in a few hours.

English summary of previous post:

2008-08-27T22:55:00.003+08:00

ohm, sorry ah, my non-Mandarin reading people fwenss-for the last post....

To make up for that, i hereby tell you in a nutshell the contents ya: It is basically a whining post on how i love to take photograhps (as in myself in the picture) in any situation, envioroment or atmosphere... ...anthing...except (and definitely not morally shameful pics and), particularly taking pictures for identification documents at the Immigression Departments, such as passport photos or ID photos.

I don't recognize me in those pics and so do officers at immigression clearances. Often get them staring hardworkingly at my face to make sure it is really me@@ ahahaha...coz the ID pics always look so blank, expressionless and somewhat stupid looking. Okay. But my real face in person have expressions and i believe i have some degree of clever-lookingness..coughs coughs...so si-ai-bin perasan:P Kekekekeke....

Anyway, i just dislike sitting squarely in front of a blue background facing a huge lens facing my face in such a close distance from such a totally front angle!! So dislike these kind of face picture@@..

Yup. Nope.

照像的无奈

2008-08-25T21:58:00.006+08:00

如果是自己很自恋地的自拍我还挺自在的喇。哈哈。或是在比较悠闲的环境、情况下，如出门玩玩看风景，有人帮我拍，也很喜欢摆‘泼洗’成为那美景的一部分（很超perasan hor~），尤其是可以爬上去的树、车、墙、栏杆、窗门macam-macam那种（穿裙也照样-我很厉害，别想会走光的！）。。。懂我意思啦。。要入正题了，loso好够了。总之，本人蛮喜欢有活动的拍照。

但，最吓人，最令人要逃避镜头的相机-你知道，在什么地方吗？！？！

。。。入境事务处(Immigration Department)！！！不太喜欢那种地方-有点紧张压力的气氛。。。要花整天的时间来排队-仅仅为了拿个预约号码。轮到了也刚好到了quota，官员打法大家走，下午再回来。。。几个小时没事做，又回家继续收拾整理东东，时间到了又到那儿去。早到15分钟，以为要搞dim了，谁知官说我的时间还没到，就再等。等到了，这次又给一个新号码，又等。派几十个号码@@轮来轮去，滚来滚去，终于弄妥这些事务。累扁了。是这样的-在这种地方要非常警惕，稳重，认真。要事情可以顺利就要乖乖，不好惹到官员，循规蹈矩的。（这是我爸说的，本来觉得唉呀，象是多此一讲，想想是有道理的）。哪里都一样的啦-这里或大马都一样！

bluekkss又要离题了～说回拍照的事情----身份证、护照。。。只要是所谓‘官方’文件上的那张怪脸-自己都不认识啊！喂，等下过关时官员又以为那不是真正的我，看照片一下，又看脸，又看照片看久久，又很大力看脸一番还要人把额头前的头发删开。曾遇有一次还不够，其他头发也要弄到耳朵后边，左看右看看看耳朵会对得到吗。。。呵呵。。可要把我脸上所有连最看不到的豆豆数完吧？？ :P

哎。也没办法啊～照片里的那付空白膜无表情愣愣冷冷的木头脸也是我啊。那种环境里，要把在路上被风吹得难以收拾的头弄整齐点，静静冰冻在那儿面对一个直对着你脸的机器--什么都不想想了。我与passport, ID, 和一切要一张脸的照片无缘！

-_-"" ooii, 我真正的人很和气，很爱笑的嘞，脸上很有表情的ey～。。。
没问题啦，下次要过关时只要再装回那种空白的傻脸来match 到那文件里的照片就ok 的 :)

其他的都可以，都喜欢，但绝对讨厌拍一张脸的照。。呵，累扁了。就这样。大家保重，晚安！

... ... ... ...

2008-08-20T23:28:00.002+08:00

... staring blankly at the screen the few plain words in the email took forever to slowly sink into my head:

... suddenly just now, he is gone back-to be with the Lord... forever...

Bless his soul. May the Lord comfort and strengthen the living as they continue their journey from now on, without him...

... ... ...life is just like... wind...here for a moment, then it is gone... ...sighhh .... ....haiz... ...

Thoughts about my hero

2008-08-19T00:42:00.003+08:00

Despite the unfortunate injury, he is a hero.

If you want to deny the price he paid, underestimate the pain he is suffering, forgeting his previous victories and condemn and critisize his decision, then go ahead and prove to the world that you are the best and toughest athlete in the universe first before bull-sh*t-ing about how unacceptable it is for our hero to withdraw under this torturing circumstances! This worldwide event, maybe once in a life-time to see the world in China, but don't ruin one who carries China around the world.

The negative remarks of many just shows that many people do not have any hearts beating in them. They rather see him run and jump the hurdles, and then collapse down with more severe injuries, only feel satisfied, only like that he tried his best meh? He should not be running in that condition at all !!! Yet he showed up at the race and made the most out of it. Why can't people just accept the fact, that in this crisis his most-mosttt was that? even at the expense of the assets-his own running feet weih !!

Want to keep the medal or want to keep the medal-earner?? What for he run and bag the medal for the last time in his life and for China, and never be able to run again for more medals? Think further a bit lar, have a heart, and look beyond the present 'disaster'. I think he is brave to make such a desicion. Just imagine all that pressure on him from fans and media. His every action have reactions from the audience, adjust his gear a bit ppl also shout like what...and the reporters and cameras buzzing around him like irritating flies !!! (yes, so happened that all the cameras look tiny from far and are all black in color@@)

It is a mishap no doubt, added with another soii false start by another runner...but we need to look at this whole thing in positive light.

留得青山在，不怕没柴烧。

Let him back out-so that the injury won't get worsen beyond cure, or else it will be the real nightmare forever.

Let him recover properly-then he can run his best.

Let him be at peace with his decision, it was a hard one to make. Who wants to give up after training so hard and going this far into the Olympic levels, in Beijinag somemore, with the Gold medal just 2 races away, unless forced to?!

Give him space and time, this is not the only race in the world. He is also a human. He has feelings. He also needs people's kind consideration and understanding. I hope and believe he will not just run... he flies.

留得青山在，不怕没柴烧。

ahaha, guess many fwens dono that i can get so heated up and feverish over Olympics, and is crayjee over a number of athletes :P I used to have some really unrealistic childish dreams of becoming a super runner, hahaha! Does my build look even 1% like one?!

The call

2008-08-13T20:08:00.003+08:00

Just now grandma called up.
Miss her and grandpa a lot. Too bad the line was not very clear. Can't talk very long.

She asked how we all are, and of all things, asked me whether or not i did continue to do Tai-chi @@ woops...unfortunately i did not manage to go beyond the first set, and all i remember now are the first 3 moves niah! haiz...then she say me must go excersice, and i say yes, i walk around...

heys, but the air pollution here is quite bad ler *ahem-excuses excuses*

On Tai-chi, it really takes patience, and have to be very slow so that we follow the air...whatever...and haihh, i just cant focus to be slow like last year when i learned from her! Especially boring if praticing tai-chi alone@@ and it is said, that if practice in a group, then have more 'qi' energy. I do alone no power at all!! Everyone at home they all dowan to join me ler :S They also hiam the kaset very scratchy and noisy (actually it IS rather 'ear-torturing'-wonder how grandma can 'extract' the calmness out of that screech-tape) ...If wif her is very fun ler, coz can just copy the action :P ...Amazngly, after all the sets, she sweat like water pipe, while i still bo-la-sa@@ Got lasa a bit maybe- will feel the head more alert gua...

Maybe it is really time to sloooww myself down again for taichi...hmm, nola, maybe get a ipod and do hip-hop and breakdance for exercise without disturbing the peace of the house...nola. maybe get a hoola-hoop...nola, just to push-ups will do lah..eh dowan lah, ltr injure my hands again pulak and breathe in dust from the floor... ...

u see u seee~ my 3 minutes jiet again lah~I don't really fancy any sport besides swimming, ping-pong and cycling on very high gear (except when kena chase by wild dogs). Not good at any of them and it is costly to keep up on that kind of sports here-rental la entrance fee la no space blablabla.. Gym needless to say..made plans 3 years ago but never went until now, and yet i dream of getting myself a threadmill. Siaozz. gerenti collect dust. :P Aanywayyy, i walk a lot everyday enough laaaa.....can la hor.

But seriously, i think i must change back to the very active ways of childhood. Music has trained me to sit down and focus, but i think by now, it is starting to get off balance a bit. i hope i can change when school starts in September when i stay in dorm. Somehow must get routined aerobic exercise into my life habit to the point it become like music- will feel very not-right if one day without it. Cant just think music everyday, move fingers and hands and brain niah, later die too early like those many musicians of the past ah...choy...Of all things grandma say about exercise, surely is some kind of flashing red lights God sends to me o~

Mmm and grandma said they probly come only next year again during some MataFair promo on flights...hopefully it's during school hols...hopefully by then i have more good muscles to assure her that i did exersice more :)

I must change.

...of sentimental value

2008-08-09T15:18:00.006+08:00

Wish i woke up earlier today, but well, who can resist staying up late at night watching the Opening Cermony of that SUPER BIG EVENT of the YEAR 2008 ?!?! You all know lak, the name of the event starts with "O" and its logo consists of 5 "O"s too :P Only one word for it :WOW. IF "Wow" is considered a word...!!! I think it is lak..

So i woke up late, and had to follow mom, bro, and sis out to have a look at another apartment which is said to have a larger surface area than the one we are currently staying in. I tell ya, space is a serious 'hazard' here. 5 persons squashed in this cupboard-house :P Was reluctant to go larh, but i already agreed with them last night. After viewing the place, they continue to lenggang-lengsut around. Hope i hid my impatience and anxiety well beneath my hat :S

Was very disappointed, because by the time we boarded the train home, the post office was supposedly closed way long ago, it's Saturday mah, half day saje...As soon as we reached our station, I still very beh-gam-guan, so just let them 3 continue to 'san bu' while i zoooommmed off like one of them Olympic Champions...*all my rivals enveloped in cloud of dust behind me* eyeer~ in my imagination niahlah...Lo and Behold, Post Office was still open :D Yipeee!!!

EEEE-YYYESSSSSSS!!!!!! I made it to the post office today :) But no more gold medal...only bronze left :( but better than none~~

The post office was CROWDed with a CROWD. (Ohm, obviously)!!!!! Line up until the far outside of the post office entrance wei~Old and young, i see them buy heaps of the limited-edition philately products...lots of ppl sending parcels too~

Wah, and all over the place, i saw notices stuck by the post officers indicating what items are all sold out already: Serviced First Day Covers, Presentation Pack, Dono-what of what set, ini-itu-apa-apa, and...Oh-O, my GOLD MEDAL and Silver too -_- Boohooohooo!!! Yeah, blame the big bag of groceries at hand, or would have bagged the gold medal bah!!! Nola, should blame myself for forgetting to set the handphone alarm yesterday knowing sleep deprivation always takes its toll in me very severely :S

Wanna know what the gold medal was? The 2.4 stamps. Silver? The 1.4 stamps. Bronze medal? 3.00; and the Metal medal-5.

2.4 is my Gold, because it is the usual rate for sending back to Malaysia!

Anyway I bought all the 4 'medals' in one souveniour sheet... Phew, it was still in stock!!! Just now i checked online again, it was all out of stock liao!!!!!!!!! SWT...

Bought bronze medals for all my snail-mail in First Day covers (bought a week ago with my careful 'research planning', 'strategic planning' and 'action planning', Muahahaa), and another additional 10 for my letter-writing stock in future. Although i will be paying 60 cents more by using 3.oo stamps, for this time i don't mind, as long as my corespondants are blessed ^^

As i affixed the stamps, the officers drew down the shutters. The half-closed office was still buzzing with excitement and glee. Or was it just me? Can't stop thanking God i was part of the remnant left inside. Suddenly there was a loud crash, and a thud. Someone had walked into the half-closed shutters while getting out, and fell back to the ground as if kena a big spring! Too kamchiong maybe. Kesian that person..quite a big impact ohh. The guards helped her up, hope she's ok lar.

Last but not the least, I made sure all the stamps on the snail-mail received this Olympic Equestrian postmark ^^ Mission Accomplished. Deliberately slowed myself down, donwan to be the next person to walk into the shutter! This reminds me of something similar that happened to one of my classmates in secondary school, form 3 (2002) that time...and another case in music college, when i terkiaps my head while closing the door of Studio-N @@)

Next I was floating all my way home :) Lalala...

Why all this fuss? Olympics in my ancestral land ooii!!

Ohh, i feel so sentimental today~

I Don't Have the Heart.

2008-08-07T23:59:00.000+08:00

Just when I am about to focus my mind, surely something will happen@@ Just barely had some peace of mind, and this things will come and make me very sienss and 'fan'!!! Now is not time for this! Need a good grip on my head. One more irritation i am about to explode with another song and waste time calming down againnNN...

And so i turned down the so-called friendly meeting which is actually more of a kind of 'advancement' under cover. Took this emergency exit under the serious recomendation of my father. He felt no peace, I choose to obey his advice. I had failed to notice anything unusual, maybe just too innocent...swt.... But dad's eagle eye saw. Okay, i never thought along that line in our friendship-more of like a brother to me all the while. Not gonna let anything happen because i don't have the heart for it. One case gunned down. I hope. With no more complications. I hope.

Another story. I am worried how to handle this obligatory weekend event. Plan to go a bit late so that i wont get caught, and leave as soon as it ends, and run for my life! Feel 'kang ka' about him. Running out of excuses. Please. I am avoiding. Don't want to talk don't want him to probe and ask anything personal. Please, stop trying to ask me out for lunch. No breakfast either! No dinner no supper to tea-time NO! Have my reasons. And that is final! Not gonna let anything happen because i don't have the heart for it.

Can't bring myself to make up stories, which if i do will make life easier. But...DesPeRateLy running out of legal and truthful excuses to hide and escape!!!!! With that string of excuses (including all the very lame ones) Hope he get the message. He Better get the message...God, make him get the message, so that he will move on and find someone else who can appreciate him.

Pray there will be no confession. Don't know what i'll do! Better don't give it any chance.

Ouwhh What should I do?!?! Panic. nono, must remain calm...arrghh!!

Not gonna let anything happen because i don't have the heart for it. No. Actually have the heart for it, but neither one of the 2 have the key to my heart. When there is no feelings there is no feelings. Nothing else to explain. Sorry. Don't want to hurt anyone. But... ...

怎么办。天啊。Haizz!!

One Year

2008-08-07T23:03:00.000+08:00

Exactly 1 year in Hong Kong.

This one year, I have learned much.

In this one year, I have been through many things: Things that i am thankful for, things that test my patience, things that force me to endure and be strong, things that i regret, things that help me grow.

~enough said. I never regret that in this life...you...
ran out of words to say what i mean. Because. Therefore. But. Anyway.

And this seems so crappy~getting emo and very sienss now..switch channel@@

Thanks !

2008-08-05T19:59:00.003+08:00

For all the birthday wishes and blessings from family and friends, via email, snail-mail, pos laju, pos lambat, Facebook, Friendster, MSN, SMS, telephone, and in person^^,

days in-advance, on the day itself, and belated no matter how late you think it is (don't worry, forgeting, not knowing, or hindering circumstances does not make one a lesser friend :D ),

I wish to thank you all from the bottom of my heart, for making the ordinary day of 3rd August 2008, or rather the month of August/end of July, a very interesting, momorable and blessed one!

May The Lord God bless you all...

And to mention God, i thank Him for my life, and for sustaining my life the past 20 years, and thank Him for my parents, without them, i won't be here living 2 days past 21 years ^^

Parental blessings :)

2008-08-05T17:32:00.006+08:00

(clockwise from top: 1. birthday stone bangle, 2.birthday brie cheese (the casing only lar, the real thing put in fridge liao), 3. the label from the ...4. birthday dress.) I can say my parents are the most sensible persons when it comes to giving me things-even the new dress ar, they already had it washed beforehand so that i can wear it immedietly! I have no idea how it happened, because i wash, hang, collect and fold the laundry everyday, but i never saw it!

So I'm 21 finally (plus 2 days now, so rewind rewind) :) It was Sunday, so the day time was largely spent on travelling to church. At the Mandarin service in the afternoon, they had a cake for babies of the month (they do that every first week of every month, very interesting trandition of this Church). And the Pastor prayed blessings for the 8 of us :)

We had 'designer's' small scale family celebration at home. Heehee, so the celebration at night consisted of:

Makan (eat). Typical Chinese way of celebrating any special day.吃饭。:P
...but with the processes of course~part of the fun mah^^clockwise from top:1. The Super Chef 2. Assistant chef/shushi machine 3. with the siblings eating off the food factory 4.All done. The '21' shushi formation was Mom Super Chef's idea :D 5. Behind the scenes, also have the Dishwasher-of-Lim-Family(well, it's my rank wad, it does not change on 1st January or 3rd August...hahaha)

Finally the big - Big, but will be gone in no time~chocolate-chesse cake change from this...

...to this ^^

wei, not 3 years old har...is 21 ya...Just lazy to put so many candles:P

1. left to right: a plate of fish, cake, roast lamb leg, and the 21-shushi. 2. yay, family photo ...then a bit interesting now...3..

3. Was not in time to make any stupid wish. Havn't even really finish the b'day song (actually nonit de la so hungry liao~~). Pick up the knife at the same time blowing the candles. Look at my brother's face then u know liao la...Ops, the candle somehow kena the 'Happy Birthday' signboard and burnt a hole in it!!! And the signboard was actually from my brother's birthday cake last year~ 4. the burnt plastic smelt poisonous :S My brother is there bursting into tears :S Dad is putting out the fire on the signboard, and mom was trying to get us all looking at the camera~~Well, i somehow managed to smile at the camera amid the momentary chaos. :D

In the end, after everything cooled down again, everything went back to normal, everyone sang the song another time, just that this time it became 'happy burn-day to you...' -_-" LOLS !!!

Finally i get to cut the cake in peace^^ and into pieces. And we prayed and gave thanks to God, and...

Partied into the night~As if anyone can still tahan after a long day~

We thankfully sat down and ate our dinner at 9 o'clock ^^

Yay Twenty-One *dance around in circles* Oh-Oo--I don't wanna grow up so fast ~ i dowan~ dowan~dwan. Uhh :S

So i woke up in glee at...

2008-08-05T15:54:00.004+08:00

this beanbag Dog sitting on my desk :) ow so cute!! Muackss! :P

Next to Dog (err, still thinking of a name for it) was an envelope with 2 cards. And next to the cards an even smaller envelope, with a beadwork inside-suposedly a bracelet for me to wear, and i gave it to Doggie coz he doesn't have a collar :P

You can guess who will do all this fuss for me on my birthday...

(Left: the 2 elaborato cardos)
(Upper row, right: A special card sent via registered international mail :) Arrived yesterday lunch time...very exciting! Another surprise~ a red lolipop pop out with the card pulak!! Haha! It's so cute la. Thanks my fwen^^ So here goes the story of:

The Dog and the Lolipop.

Now Doggie has gula-gula to um-um...

Memang that is a lolipop si?? Yeaps. After lunch i rushed out and took the bus out to my brother's school to send in some important documents. Back home everyone (except dad) was surrounding the lolipop for some mysterious reason...like it can be eaten @@...

An hour or so later I returned home and went back into my room to catch up on Doggie and his new Red Lolipop. Alas, my brother and sister jumped up to me excitedly and said: see?...

Okay i see. But, can don't 'bully' my dog-dog or not ah?-_-

Next thing mom came in to see how things went. She did not see how them siblings 'bully' Doggie tho. Commenting on how interesting and cute it is, she picked up the Lolipop by the handle, and tok me head wif it.

"Haha!! That is one good hammer" she said. They all think alike ey~

At:

2008-08-02T03:43:00.000+08:00

my sister's friend's house birthday party.
The touch was terribly heavy. The pedals were stifffff. It was painfully out of tune. (screams)

And in a bolt of electricity my spirit returned to me because...because...

a piano

was there.

I can't sleep until now!

:(

2008-07-28T21:31:00.005+08:00

I won't question God's ultimate wisdom and grace that I am born a girl. I like being a girl. I'm happy being one. Thank You, God :)

Just that sometimes it's inconvenient. I don't mind the inconvenience. BUt i hate it when it does ruin one whole day! What have i done this whole day?

Nothing worthwhile...sobz...Spend this whole day ouching and trying very hard not to ouch. Trying to count some urgent things, but since morning until now still not done, despite it a very simple math! How to do anything when you cant get up for more than 3 seconds at a time?! It's such a paralysing day! Sienzz...I am just 'glad' that the day is ending, finally@@

真的

很

讨厌

这

种

痛

法

！！！

啊！啊！啊————————————!!!

:'(

On the 'coolness-es'...

2008-07-25T22:08:00.004+08:00

...in this Oven-like Summer...

Whoo-hoo! Both my parents suddenly go signed up for Facebook woh...Dono what wind ler... ...i was quite blown away ^^ Sporting sangat o~it's been the talk of the family these few days, haha! So currently we each have 'One Friend in Common', which is one of each other, other than oneself. Get it?

Dad joined Facebook later than Mom, so he still did not know many stuffs yet. That time he had his mind on some real works and real official emails larh, and was not exactly thinking about the Facebook. It fact he was just a bit annoyed at so many Facebook notifications of 'Growing Gifts' and 'Hatching Eggs' and 'Flowers' and 'Tags' in photoes. I didn't send them, so it has to be Mom :P

Mom, who happily explored Facebook yesterday was excited to tell Dad about all the kewl stuffs: "Eh, i have 'added' you and edit you as my spouse lor...neh, when u open your email, you will get a notification, then, can follow the link to confirm i am your wife ya..."

OMyCoolness!! Can imagine my Dad's face??? Lols!! I know it does sound quite normal to say in that way in the context of Facebook or Friendster or Multiply...whatever... Later we went on laughing at all the terms used in Facebook, which will indeed sound funny if placed out of context :P

But now because they both have BukuMuka, me terpaksa to remove this blog address from my account the very second i got the email notification that Mom had 'added' me... ...phew! was just in time! If they ever knew of this blog.... not that there is anything 'bad' in here, you all are my witnesses ya^^but since they are strict and protective, I'll get interogated for many things! Oh man~~~OMyCoolness~~... ... ...

Hooked to this Song

2008-07-19T22:49:00.003+08:00

Listening to old songs suddenly. And i am hooked to this one! Mainly because, for once i cannot identify this particular instrument by the sound...Anyone have any idea what instrument is playing that warm, deep and 'reed-y' line in the intro ??? I am goose-guessing it is a bassoon or bass clarinet or bass flute or shakuhachi or some reeded flute or hu-lu-si?! Totally blown away...haiz...could it be re-engineered sounds??? I can't seem to hear any breathing points, and that will be quite amazing if anyone can play that long without stopping somewhere to breathe, unless using the 'circular breathing' method!! Circular breathing seems like a hard thing to learn, i tried before, ended up with a dizzy head~ omygudness, more and more theories... BUt i want to know!!! I have to know!!! I need to know to have some peace of mind !!!

Of something to wait for.

2008-07-19T12:06:00.005+08:00

Ignore the previous post lak ppl...

I am alright again :)

*****

I was asked a simple yet very difficult question. That's what...

Because if i answered it will make no sense, just yet. Even if i say, it will end up an essay...no a whole thesis ! *rolleyes. I know very well, at this point the asker most probably will not understand a single alphabet of the words i typed.

I can also just bluf and joke away by simply saying that i will wait for my bangs (refer to last last post on Catastrophic Haircut) to grow back to the right length again :P Which is correct too. If i will not wait for it slowly grow also no other way marh!

I am waiting for a day, or rather a 'happening' or 'event'.

Of what? Concerning who? Why?

Something important of course. We can all say stuff like meeting the one, realizing the right one, confirm is the right one, getting married, graduation, work, or your next birthday are important things in life. For us in our twenties, maybe waiting for these to happen will not take too long, normally. I do wait for these, and some will come to past, and some may not.

But i am waiting for a something, which can happen anytime now, or in the next 5, 10, 20, 50, 80 years who knows. Or may never happen (but choy!) Only God knows. Many things in life, i will wait, i can wait, and i can also let go of and stop waiting. But this, i will REMIND God as much as i can, i will 'ANNOY', 'IRRITATE', 'PESTER', 'SHA-JIAO', CRY, WHINE Him so much until He grants this request one day. And by then i know it's worth it. Seriously.

Don't worry what i am waiting for. But It will be the Best thing in the Whole Entire Universe :) I dan-bao you~

Put it in a fictional analogy: (not that trains tickets are so special or anything :P but you get the meaning...)

"Mimi's dad gave A a train ticket to a place of safety before the outbreak of a war. Tickets are now limited. Many trains have departed and the last few trains will depart soon. The stations are packed with un-ending crowds of citizens struggling to get tickets...too many had to be left behind.

Mimi knows dad is entitled for some special benefits with the train company because he works there so he can obtain staff tickets as needed, for immediete family members. So Mimi ask him whether he can give one to the best friend-Bibi also. He says he can only give to his kids only boh. Mimi says, but she was adopted after all ler wad. Dad then says Mimi is Legally his child now so...

And Mimi whines, How bout adopt Bibi so Bibi can get ticket, or give Bibi ticket and because of that will adopt Bibi? Either way, as long as Bibi gets the ticket! Mimi does not want Bibi to be left behind. Mimi Of course Mimi's dad does not want Bibi to die in the war either, so dad wants to adopt Bibi. Btw Bibi is also an orhpan. So Mimi's dad goes to find Bibi..

But the problem arises, because Bibi was lost amid the chaos and could not be found. Well, finally dad found Bibi. Over the sounds of the military jet-planes thundering across the sky, he tries to explain the idea but Bibi cannot understand. Then he says, "Bibi, just call me 'dad', now." But Bibi is hesitant about being adopted right away, and is still dilly-dally on whether or not to follow to the train station.

Meanwhile, Mimi waited at the station, counting down 4 more trains to go...3...2...the last train shall depart in an hour.

Waiting...as each second ticks by..."

Yeah, imaginative dreamer am I~But i will wait for The Day. I WILL WAIT!

... ...

2008-07-18T00:15:00.002+08:00

Emo..:s Ofcourse there's a reason for this to happen,but
i can tell you what is not- i am not angry, not upset, not exactly happy, not exactly sad. Just don't know what this kind of feeling is...
Actually i always feel something. hid it so well. act so well as if i dont care. but something made-up can't stay undercover for too long.

Think much. But don't think too much. But can think a bit more.
This time, i really don't know how to express it. i don't know what to say or how to say. Sigh! finally come out of the shell of security, feeling alright again. Suddenly feel panic again.

does it not matter? or does it matter, now?

Lord Jesus Christ, be our guide!

Historical day in ma laifff !!

2008-07-17T22:40:00.000+08:00

Yesh, so historical!! I swam again. Went swimming. YeeaaHH!! ^^
Apalak. went swimming so what larh. But i have not been swimming for ONE YEAR man!! Never that long. Back in Kuching i used to go at 3-4 times a week, or at least, once every week during those bad wheather months.

But, at this time of the year last year, i was packing items, frantically stuffing stuffs into 1-cubic-meter cargo boxes, giving away what can be given and throwing away what can be dumped, and emptying the house.

How i missed the waters!! But the entrance fees really pinched lak. I was looking after my 2 younger siblings so i also didn't get to jump in the deep pool to get a real swim. Basically crawling in that baby pool and kept bumping and kicking the floor :S

Haha...so i came back very hungry at 9 p.m, yet not tired at all, coz hardly move any big muscles wad...Wonder when i get to have a proper swim again..

But nothing can beat my piano record~considering music as my life/rice-bowl~haven't manage to go near a piano for exactly ONE MONTH!!! HEELPP!!! Sometimes i feel as if i would go mad! But of course i will not lak^^still have my guzheng and flute, and voice, and some percussion instruments namely the woodblock and metal triangle :)

So today is sooo Historical, or rather HERstorical, no?^^

The catastrophic haircut

2008-07-08T19:43:00.010+08:00

I am hiding at home. Don't ask me out for 3 weeks. Call for pizza delivery.

I had my fringe, or bangs or hair-over-forehead, or whatever-u-call-that~~ trimmed. Not a new thing actually...every few months or so I would have my mom help me. Thanks to my infamous inability to cut my own hair in a straight line, and accidental chips here and there. Thanks to the fact that my hair has some natural waves, and one wrong cut will cause it to get kinky, springy, and very disobedient. Thanks to my mom she always has a way of getting around those mis-clips.

But thanks to my mom she was busy just that particular moment... so I thought I should not bother her to help me get rid of that visual hazard. Yes visual hazard because my hair keeps poking into my eyes, and since I have inherited from the ancestors a high forehead, pinning back my fringe is such a bad idea! (Yala, I gian swee bah. Hum hum hum ...@@) Yes, visual hazard for anyone who saw me, looking like some messy ghost with all the long hair covering half my face.

Yes, I should not bother mom lak. In fact, I should somehow learn it, because when I go out next semester to live-in on-campus dorm, I will be on my own. Haircuts and all.

For the first time in 1 .5 years, i took matters into my own hands again.

Mistake no 1: i took off specs

Mistake no 2: i did not put on contact lenses (so mahuan mar)

Mistake no 3: i picked up the scissors and started cutting away...almost blindly...

lalala~

...

all done...and i looked more or less like a...

...

COCONUT

Because i cut it too short liao. LiAOuw. Is not that me eyebrows very nice to show out at all. huh! (This pic-arrghh! so agitated and irritated@@ trying to smile when my mood is totally screwed ) Look quite suku hor.

I silently presented myself before the Council of Parents and Siblings. Lo and behold...the two young siblings started laughing. I mean really laughing, until bent over like that woh~and dancing around me in circles wei~stoP it laH pleEsss!! woa chin-jia beh-song. Ngai um-go-ngian liao. At the same time, the parents started to analyse...

Dad: hmm, u must have pulled and stretched your hair when u cut, then after cutting, it springs up like that lor...

Mom: when you cut, u must like this like that, or will end up wif clumps...haiz, why didn't just wait a while then i help u to trim?

Dad: heehee. nvm la. just pray and ask God to help ur hair grow back faster..

Hmpf...

mom later then tried to 'correct' the coconut look. But nothing much can be done this time because i have already cut too much. But well, as least it does improve the condition :) i told yah my mom has a way with mis-cuts.

Well in the mean time, i just try getting used to my art of accident...BUt i also found a way to illusionously appear more like before the haircut: by opening my eyes as wide as i can, like this: the BigEye practice at Home Mirrorfront

bwahahaha!! The Mom-improved Coconut Head trying to look alert and wide-eyed all the time-I am content enough :D I wish to hide at home everyday i'd be more than happy! u know, trying to maintain ur eyes extra wide for 30 minutes is not an easy thing ah~

I don't know WHY, but people are always curious about my age, and i shy away from answering them, and they start guessing. All the while they will say 18, 17, sometimes 16, and i think that their eyes have very serious problems ;P, ( all these are totally wrong, but still reasonable, right?) But after this 'mishap', i noticed a sudden change.

"You look 14, am i right? Where are u schooling now?"

"erhm...not schooling..."

"no?"

"i've just finished uni year 3, will graduate soon.."

"ah?!"

"I have a son, he is 14...i think u both are around the same age..."

I don't understand.

well. Cheers! Let's stay young at heart. Don't drink (alchohol) too much, but drink much of this homely plain water~

Life can sometimes be so puzzling ...hmm...

每天：

2008-07-06T22:13:00.002+08:00

“默默的爱你。依然是。你却不知道自己是谁了。
默默的爱你，因为不知道怎样爱你了。

我希望，你会多些自信。不管你怎么想，怎么看自己，
你的弱点我看在眼里-时间冲淡，乙烯模糊；
你可爱善良的那一面，却铭刻在我心上，时时不忘，一清二楚。

我每天向上帝祈祷，愿上帝找着你。让你有个靠山、有个寄托，有诉苦的对象，并从其领悟着生命的意义和真正的智慧、指引、忠言、安慰。

只愿上帝找着你。只愿你遇见他。
你不回应我的爱我不在乎。我的缺点太多。
但愿你回应上帝。他是完全，爱得完美。
我爱你；
上帝比你、我、他/她能想象的
更爱你。”

默默的爱你，摸摸的祈祷，愿上帝完全的爱找着你。

On the mind-war

2008-07-02T23:39:00.005+08:00

yeaps i know it has been ages. dono what to write also. feel lazy to do tags just yet, but i have no intention to not do them forever. actually i want to do those tags because they are from my dear friends! just not now lak. and you see, i even feel so lazy to type proper punctuations, as you can see, you cant see any capital letter here.

i have too many things on my mind, until i dont know how to keep a defined scope to each post. i have so many draft posts in my account, nvr published. all look like useless craps and random complexities.

but of so many things, there is only one thing on my mind that is still a mystery. should i want to solve it? should i just leave it as a mystery?

Ai-ai 1: curios to know.

Ai-ai 2: curiosity kills the dog.

Ai 1: yalah.but if dont find out, how u know ?

Ai 2: the chances are low that u get the answer. just juan liao lah!

Ai 1: you want to know! you want to try.

Ai 2: not that you have not tried enough. not that you have not tried hard.

Ai 1: is trying once, or twice enough,before saying it is hopeless?

Ai 2: the world is big.

Ai 1: if you were home, there will not be this mystery. if you dont solve it, it is the same as being at home still.

Ai 2: only thing is, if you were home, you wont even know any such mystery, because it would not exist!

Ai 1: beh-gam-guan.

Ai 2: next time during the End of Times, you will know all the answers.

Ai 1 : can we wait that long? I mean there will be no 'time' anymore.

Ai 2: what if it were a mistake to try, you will be so glad you just left it a mystery.

Ai 1:what if it were a mistake to just leave it a mystery, wont you regret?

SHUT UP! all of you, Ai-ais. Listen to Ai-ai 3: Follow your heart, not your mind.

Know Who is in your heart, listen to what He says...

He says: Don't panic. Wait.

爱到。

2008-06-24T22:48:00.007+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2fmP4aCWx4

(Hopefully not) the final words

2008-06-02T16:25:00.003+08:00

Dear readers:

Sorry for the delay of updates. I sincerly appreciate your faithful patronage to Red Is the Color of My Heart! My lappie's AC Adaptor died, just one day after i reformated the C-drive and reinstalled all the programs and software :S Using my dad's computer for now. Thanks Dad !!! Btw his birthday tomorrow :) Happy Birthday Dad! Ah and on 17th is my Mom's:)

Anyone with an Acer AC Adaptor whos Lappie died, can memposlajukan it to me to be wedded to my lappie :P

Have a lot to update but too bad...have to put them in the blog freezer at the back of my mind.

A quickie, in random order :
Some brother and sister from Kch came mid-May:) Stayed at our place :) Miss youuu!! Must come again oh~

There was earthquake in Mainland.. with lotsa rescue work..Then there is this risk of the dams getting too much water and flooding into the lowlands where the survivors and recue teams are..
Coz the physical geography shape has changed after the quake.

Assignments all due in 2 weeks. On sister's school field trip this Friday. Bought a piccolo (if dono what it is-google it!) yesterday so that my brother can start learning some decent music notes :) taught my sister until she can play 'Here I am to Worship' on flute, she has started on 'Worthy is the Lamb' :)

Composing the finale of 'Daniel in the Lions' Den' for guzheng and getting all those nail bleeds and cuts again while experimenting those technical executions...Found a nice dress yesterday. I love dresses!

Yup my music stand is reunited with me again!!!!! muackss!! And so is that very important cable used for recording :) :) yipeee!!

After submitting assignments, will jump into part-time real-time translation job for some international publishers conference thingy... still doing my homework very hard getting those publishing terms into Mandrin...

Then my brothers from Kch due to come here for hols...Cant wait to see yah guys!

Ah yes, i planted a peppermint :) Sigh...i love it! Growing so nicely :)

Oh, and i finally found a nice comb for myself :) Imagine me saying that! Ops! But really, all these years i don't...exactly... comb my hair as a matter of habit...just tidy it with my hands a bit did better because no amout of combing or styling products can tame it, and the wrong comb will just mess it all up...Funny thing my hair never tanggled up:) Just twist here and there in an unrully manner...Still remember few years back during the Rainforest World Music Festival Opening performance, our make-up artists dono put how many gallons of hair spray on me before and after putting that headgear on my head! Ugghhss!!! Until this VS conditioner did do the trick and now a comb can be used effectively ;) Saya punya cow horn bone comb yang baru dan tidak mahal langsung! Got it in a sales heap at one of them small stalls. All natural and not plastic -which is bad for health. My old pink plastic comb is 10+ yrs old, very sharp, has a plastic smell, hardly used, and it fell into the toilet :P

My panda eyes are greatly reduced after not seeing computer for 11 days. Heaps of emails to deal with :S I am free from internet addiction now! I wanna sign out and get lost from here now.

Okays...consider this my update for the whole month of June. Maybe longer...i dont know...See when after i get my machine fixed ( and my pocket bleed :P nah, charge from my Provider's account)

All of you out there, take care always, may the Lord God Almighty bless you and keep you! In Jesus' Name. Amen.

Lappie troubles...

2008-05-23T13:24:00.004+08:00

Arrgghh! My lappie fainted last night...didn't even know it until this morning, when i tried to wake him from sleepmode. He was still showing the 'loading your personal settings' !!!!!....for the whole night as i fell asleep waiting for him to restart~~~Then i had to force him to stop that irritating 'hang'-out by pulling out all my media cables and power supply, but he still won't shutdown. Irritating irritating irritating!!! Finally i turned him over his face and plucked out the hati (battery). SWT!
Then i tried shaking lappie up again. BUt i think, this time he really 'fan lian' at me :S

Finally no choice-went out to mama lappie and tried to msn the Computer Doctors. But mama Lappie's msn is dono what 1953 version de!! SWT SWT -_-"...super slow, super drag, super hang, super 反应迟钝。 So i spent more time finding and installing the latest MSN for mom. As i said, the whole computer is 1953, BUT i was sooo patient (it's really sooo slow, some of you might already slammed the keyboard or mouse:) So, sien, so that i won't need to do them later, I did the laundry, fold the clothes, wash up the stuffs in the sink, made a new jar of yoghurt, boiled hot water 2 times, made my brain power tea and drank it, and took out somemore clothes from the dryer to fold, took a bath, and of course ate breakfast and dug around for more ocipala and ocilokiok to eat, walk here walk there coz i cant do anything of my assignment:P So i came back from doing all that, and the mama1953 has just finished the 30 minute download...

So with the updated MSN, I contacted the Computer Doctor Jet, as Lappie's regular Computer Doctor Elliot was out :S So Dr Jet prescribed a F8 remedy to go with my attempt to electromagnetizemalogicaliradiocardiologify Lappie again, together with the Acer A&E number for in case. Yay, so things are working well in Safe Mode, managed to quickly backup the latest version of my assignment done last night into a flash drive. Halleluyah! At least my hard work of this Sem is safe and sound now! I cannot fail it! Can't afford to loose it! Thanks to Dr Jet for saving the day...Phew...wasn't even in time to backup before Lappie konged-out!!! Also managed to do 'recovery' from SafeMode, and check emails etc, just that everything is so enlarged on the screen.

But as soon as i shake Lappie in Normal Mode. Dengdeng. Everything hangs again...@@ *&^%$#@ @$#%$^%&^*&(* fall back down from chair to the floor* So looks like i'll stick to SafeMode for today, since i can still sign in MSN, and the emails, and just proceed with my music...Yep, and still update Bloggie here :) Yep, and still smilling away as usual :) There is always rainbow after rain :)

Just that, why must there be rain, when i badly need the sun, now?! It seems that everytime in the middle of rushing some important work, then computers will go on strike (it used to be Big Bad Printer...:P Puh-leezze don't bully the poor musician this time: 5 HKD to print 1 page in a print shop ooii! 2 pieces of music each 30-40 pages... ...no chocolate for 1 year?!?! boohooohooo :'O Oh NO!!! Choy choy choy...

Me gonna treat Lappie goodgood. "Good boy *sayang* get well soon, u know very well i really need you, i rely on you so much, especially for this final assignment wor...you mean so much to me..remember the first day we met? You saved me from the ill treatment of the 'oldboy' who kept crashing up my recording tracks, and came along with me to the shop where i worked so that whenever i had free time i wont miss a moment with you helping me with the load of assignments. You must wake up, we still have a long way to go ahead of us. If you wanna leave me, please don't go within this 3 years ma!!"
"... ..."
"Ok ok, i'll buy you a UV radiation-reduction screen protector".
"... ..."
"oook ok, yeayea, the speakers, when i saved up a bit more ok? after all, i can hear you with ur own built in ones bah, it sounds not bad ma"
"... ..."
"WHat! New sound card and sampler?! Patience patience, when got $ surely will...but maybe for your own good, btr get more RAM first?"

SwT..Lappie memeras-uggut me liao...:P

About My personality

2008-05-16T13:44:00.008+08:00

Often i write about things going on around me and thoughts going on in me but I never expressed about 'I' or My personality or just 'Me'. Let me frus it out for once because I am so frus! Let's I I I I I I for once. I AM OFTEN MISUNDERSTOOD by people, so it is worth making myself clear here even though it is just my blog. Thus, let me introduce the person inside ME: eh, must read till the end...

1. I hate it when guys start coming after me jus because They Think i look nice to them on the outside, and then expect me to be a person they want me to become which i'm not !!! And then get disappointed that i was not as 'special' as they wanted. (I don't hate the guys k, i just hate such situation, i'm very clear here right?)

2. I am not a 'hiao cha boh' !!! I am proper. I put in much effort to be proper because I love my parents! I don't prefer to wear too sexy because it will add to point 1. I don't disturb people's relationships, by trying to hiao or poison people punya bf or potential bf (unlike sum girls who did that to me and some of my girl friends too. I wont call them ugly names tho....just that, i'm quite ashamed that there are some of my same species will actually do that...and those stupid BOYs believed them, betray me, never knew the truth/ or cant accept, and allow it to ruin our relationship even as just friends)

3. I am gracious :) My name JANE means 'God is gracious'. After some emofying or angryfying or annoying things, depends on how big also lah, eventually i will feel alright about it all. And really will not feel upset anymore, in fact, i will be there smiling/laughing/ thinking: what the heck? it was not that bad ler...how on earth i got so worked up? hahaha!! Then i will go and say sorry to those who got caught in my 'tornado' (actually as you read on in point 7, 8, u'll realize it was far from any 'storm') :S I trully am sorry for being unreasonable sometimes. Hope u all forgive me please ya:) *smile sweetly, showing teeth, wide eyes, hee*

4. I am patient. From point 3-> unless it is something really hit my old scar (as if i have any?), I usually suffer it in silence, then i will calm down, and be alright :) As patient as i can be, I am a musician who will drill a 3 seconds of difficult notes for hours until it becomes a part of me. So patient i actually waited for someone 7 years! Oh Don't do that stupid thing ppl, move on with life lah, but because of that i managed to compose many poems and songs, so i wont call it entirely wasted. But nah, i won't wait like that. It is totally silly and immature :P. Just trust God and i will know at the right time..

5. I am contended with what i have (as in material). Not a shopping/spending kind of person. Well, it is just not me! But if my friends ask me out, of course i will go, only that i hardly will end up buying anything at all. I only buy what is absalutely needed. Sometimes maybe treating myself to something nice after i worked hard :) Pst pst, the man i will marry in future won't ever worry about me over-spending; and when i move in, i will have very little luggage! wakaka! Same thing, when i have Someone, i wont ask for more than who he is, wont go around 'heart-flowery-flowery' (direct translation from Mandrin:P). But hey, doesnt mean that i allow him to be less than who he can be o!

6. I am never and will never allow myself to be contended with myself! Must always try to improve mah, if not improving, will deprove wan! What else I'm not contended about? For now, i still have not found my other half/or not confirmed of any other half. A bit complicated 50-50 lah this one, can say i feel contended about the freedom i have...but the kind of hole in my heart..well, dono how to say :S Also my piano technique is getting rusty by the day, but i cant do anything about it, no space to put piano, even if there's one. Only if there is one here for me, i take out my bed and sleep on the piano bench i dont mind as long as i can squeeze it into my room :S so those who have a piano by your side, be soo contended and don't let it collect dust!! If you dont want your piano, let me adopt it :D

7. Now, this very important point, I still can smile in the middle of a stress! But it will be a different kind of smile nonetheless. I can be very cool and positive in that matter. Because I was really trying to understand what was going on. So those who had 'argued' or 'talked things out' with me over msn chat or sms, you need to know i was not frowning or having an angry expression. A perplexed face or puzzled face maybe, sighing, or an understanding look. But sometimes i admit i forgot to add smileys or sumth, so just by looking at the typed words, maybe i do 'sound' 'angry'. There were times i really was upset, but I can still hold myself together and try sort things out when i could have just shut off my phone or laptop :) Even in my blog, sometimes things look 'fierce' or full of 'power', but if i were to speak it out in real, i think it will shock people more :P because...

8. why? because, in real, I am a quiet person, with a quiet voice (except when i sing or call for emergency help. Actually my voice can be very loud when i need to speak to a large group or over a far distance). In primary school, i used to be very talkative (dono what is there so much to talk ler, :P ) until the teachers engaged me as the class story teller during free intervals (and i'd preach the Gospel stories to my classmates) and change my seat every now and then :P But i don't know since when I suddenly become so quiet. Now, I am not chatty. I don't know how to small talk, makes me awkward. I feel comfortable being quiet and just smile, listening, and speaking only when I have to. But compare writing/typing and speaking, I would definitely prefer speaking! If i can re-live the past 5 months, i would have had more guts to call to really talk as nessesary, then all the unwanted mess would have been avoided. The person involved must have thought i was yelling! While i was actually emo-ing out in a small voice. '!' to me does not nessesarily mean 'loud'. ' Stormy mood' means my head is bombarded with tons of question-marks and it is emotionally draining. But i can tollerate ppl yelling at me no problemo, as i said, I am very very super patient...just don't over-do me because when i ALmoST reach the limit i can yell louder than you~still in the safe zone. When my limit is overshot, you wont hear anything.... actually i don't know what i'll do..... but surely the offender will be very kalam-kabut!!!

9. I am a tough girl. No sissy. Not the kind who will scream over a bug. Not scared of dirt or gross stuff (like my siblings vomited and stuff guess who clear it all up? Prepare food dig out the fish stomach or chicken internals bare-handed so what?) I am generally stable and calm. Just that i can't bear to see cruel looking things happen to Humans especially. I walk around with lightness and energy. I dont mind carrying heavy stuff. In college i used to carry my 6 feet guzheng together with his coffin box up and down the 3 storeys (the guys dono why so clumsy, keep knocking my babe at turnings. swt. so i rather carry myself). A bit of rain never mind de lak, will not get sick wan :) Eat anything edible (if over a long period of time, 'edible' is defined as generally healthy as in not too oily and salty; if it is just one or two meals out of the blue i really don't find either), not choosy. Flexible. Can sleep anywhere, including the cold hard tile floor, seriously I had to and i did~ another story :P But... ...

10. I know my limits! I am sensible ya. I wont invite a bug over to breed diseases, and have good sense of hygene! Lol! I'm saying that! My hands have had injuries due to circumstances which cant be avoided, so I don't stupidly carry things that are too heavy or over-practice my music. I bring my umbrella with me, use sun-block for my own good, and avoid seeing too much bright things coz i'll get headache. Having a proper bed to sleep of course i wont so bo-eng sleep on the floor and get bad posture mah...I take care of myself properly. I'm into Chinese herbs and stuff. If don't know how to be sensible, how to look after family next time ah?

11. 恒爱Herng-Ai, my official Chinese name speaks of God's everlasting love, that He came and took all our sins to the cross so that we dont have to die for our own sins. Of love, sometimes can be so painful hor. Jesus love us the human race until can die for us; but is not that everyone love Jesus and accept him as their God and Saviour. Love can be that strong. Well, honestly i like my name :) But sometimes it makes a complicated feeling in me also. Imagine named 'Forever Love'. Well, just hope one day it can be also'Forever loved'. Even if no one cares, i know Jesus loves me, and it will be forever :) I have to be strong to live with this name. Sometimes I feel it so hard to bear!

12. 晓旨Xiao-Zhi, is my other name, actually a secret name my parents used to refer to me when they did not want me to know they were talking about me! But i found out :P When things have become a mess, this is the name i use to bring myself back up: It means 'knowing will'. Knowing whose will, what will? Knowing that God's will for my life is the best for me, no matter how terrible things are. We just have to continue trusting in God, His will for our lives will unfold in His perfect timing.

13. '简' is another name given by one of my besties-brother Elliot. He named me that last year before i left Kuching...Kinda a direct translation from 'Jane' , but it has further meaning of 'simple'. I appreciate this name, to remind me not to think too much and trust God :) It speaks of my character also- a direct, straighforward, open person. But depends also, i try to be balanced because not everyone can handle that. Everyone is different ma. Too bad, i am often quite blur about things, especially love matters. SWT. Sometimes just so 'dai'. Actually, I am not that complicated. Only people think that i am. I just love to make friends :)

14. Girls can get jealous. Girls get suspicious when in love. Girls become protective over their loved one. Girls can feel afraid. When girls become like that it means they really really care for you. I am a girl, I cant deny i feel these kind of things. And it is hard to bear with it sometimes. Usually keep it to myself and won't tell the guy lah. Just that sometimes when some of it show out, you guys think that we girls don't trust you. Drink it down guys- When you start feeling as if the girl does not trust you, you just have to keep assuring us that we are the only one! Explain all you can, do all you can. Don't just say 'sorry'-it is a scary word if said on its own. But if guys play with my feelings just for fun even once, no hope. The end :P I am very quick to dicern changes in attitudes (for example getting distant and cold or superficial). That's me, when i put my foot down, i stick to it. Break-up is break-up. Forget it means forget it. Yep, i take words very seriously. If i dont mean something i wont say it. When people say something, i take them for their words. when i say sorry of something i mean it. When i admit my wrongs i really mean to change. But on all these, i could use a bit of flexibility, and most importantly consult my Devine Guide.

15. What else about my personality? I forgive easily. I believe easily. But after several bad experiences, I don't trust people easily anymore. I admit my mistakes, and try to make up for it, and try change my ways. I don't make promises, i don't swear, i don't make oaths of vows (except for getting married that wan lah) because the Bible says 'let your yes be yes, and your no be no; anything more than that comes from the evil one'. But when i start using very extreme phrases like 'I can hold up my Bible and tell you before God and men....' or 'cut my heart open and see for yourself', it means i am frustratedly, desperately saying that I hide nothing and telling all the truth. This is a very very sacred and serious thing. Even if my conscience is 100% clear and 100% honest, very seldom i dare to say in that way! It is scary. I'd rather just be misunderstood and let God deal with that person Himself, and give up my right to be right.

16. I dare to take risks. I don't mean doing dangerous or meaningless stuffs, that will be plain stupidness la. I weigh pros and cons and consider carefully and pray hard ask God to guide me of course :)

17. I am cautious and very careful. I mind details. But learning to get a balance with my perfectionism trait! My parents who know me best say this is one of my label traits since young. @@ Haha, i learn not to push myself too hard. But i still aim for excellence! I wont settle for anything less than that without trying my best. But i learned to set a limit to what i consider 'best'. Because there will always be a 'better' if i don't. Same in relationships, I don't expect my guy to meet all the so called 'qualifications' because it is not fair at all and definitely not practical. That is why...

18. I set priorities :) If he does not have the most important basic characteristics which are most important to me (everyone have different top things ma), then i will not even consider from the start, i'd rather scare him off politely, let him si xin quickly, get him to move on with life so that he can find someone else who is better for him :) i really really appreciate some guy who did that to me long time ago. Was quite hurt that time, he was quite crude also, but looking back, he was the one most fair to me. Yes, very 'kang ka'. But Clear cut. Kill it in one big blow, one go kao-tim, and didn't torture me. Haha! Thanks dude! Anyway i was still too young then. Haha. Same with my assignment, i used to not have enough time because i wanted to make it sooo perfect! Crazy detail perfect! But now i learned how to get things done well enough to get through. For example, not much difference between 80 marks and 100 marks, both will get 'A' bah. Example, what for i get all A+++ lah( i wish), and then fail the most important subject that will determine if i graduate?! I learn that nothing will be perfect, but there will be some things more important than the other. Only God is perfect, and most important in life :) Next will be relationships (including family and bfgf stuff, and also generally with people around us), then health, then only studies and other things.

19. I can be stubborn sometimes. Sometimes. But not that hard to coax also lah. Just tell me some valid reason that does not conflict with my values and beliefs.:)

20. Last but not least, I am mysterious. I am strange. I can get wiered at times. I do not know everything about myself even. My friends see certain things i cant see. All the 19 things i introduced about my personality are just bits and pieces of me that i captured here and there. No one who never see me can really know me completely. You gotta see the real me and interact with me in person:) May even find that i may not be exactly like what i wrote here though i try to be as accurate as possible (perfectionism leaking out??) :S

But then, if i were speaking to you who is reading now, you know you wont hear this much from me :P

:'( Earthquake

2008-05-14T21:23:00.004+08:00

Nothing can be more heartbreaking than such unexpected disaster. Sigh, i'm just lost for words :'( Ayoh, this picture (curi from Jet's blog)! so sad. so geram. Everyday special report on China TV, my strong mom can watch; i can't. I just can't. Just Can't! Have to hide away. I listen from my room the TV sound enough *burst into tears* Coz cant do anything to help and you see/hear the parents there grieving and wailing hopelessly.. Hayoo~ :'( People, please pray for the earthquake victims lar! Just spare a few minutes in your life mah! Ciaoz, off to pray again liao~

数码钟(Digital Clock)

2008-05-13T14:04:00.006+08:00

Just a quickie: cut paste and patch i gotta run~~now that i've emo it out I'll need to focus back on the Assignment. Not finish emo-ing also will do assignment, emo gets into my assignment whatever! Of emo-ing, thanks and sorry to my dear sis and big-brothers who listened to me fa-lao-sao and accompanied me these days :S Hugs hugs HUGS! I heart you all!!

My bilingual Soft RnB, not so much of heavy bump and grit lak. It's a lurvsong wad (sortof), not a protest! Technical details->3 and a half minutes tempo of 69 bpm 4/4 meter composed on 8th May 2008; midi generated loopie on Finale 2006; effects track and mixing on Adobe Audition 9-10th May; vocals, mixdown and master edits 12th May 10 45 p.m.; mp3 compression using Audacity. Very chuan and out-of-breath to sing this @@ swt..haha.. took at least 50 takes to get one track that will sound more or less in tune with me getting enough air :P Only after that 6 hour grit (for a 3-minute-only track Swt) could i proceed to sing all the backup vocals again@@. Phew! Dono when i will do this again, haha, but all for 'love', if that is what it is, and exploration of words ad music..1st time in my life i ever composed such a direct song, repeating That Same Word like a naughty kid pestering for more than one candy when mom says 'No'@@. Get it?

Well, maybe what i am trying to highlight in this song is that when someone likes/loves/crushes on someone, anything he/she does or anything associated with that person become interesting even if it is the most boring thing in the world! Yes? No? Seems to be Yes, according to erm, observation...

AnYWaY, Anyone with bigger stronger lungs willing to sing it for me, do not hesitate to ask me for the minus-one track ya!

Wave file highly recomended, because it's directly out from my oven :) Next is VBR mp3 but already hear much loss in quality due to the very very clean-cut simple instrumentation (very basic brittle drum pattern, very simple and dry bass ostinato (3 notes only oi!), very simple e-piano (mono-line, meaning use one hand niah is enough to play it!) and a tiny bit of traingle) .
So now, i present to you 数码钟(Digital Clock)! Do forgive any out-of-tune-ness and blury words *bows bows* http://www.archive.org/details/digitalClock

我爱你
爱你爱到底
爱你
爱到忘记自己叫什么名
我要你爱我
爱我爱到底
爱我
爱到永远都不放弃
And I wanted to know
What your digital clock does
Differently from other normal clocks
Does it crink does it blink
Does it hop does it rock
Does it croak like a froggie in the pond
I wanna know that
I’m not crazy
This is what I do
I can write a song anything to do with you
Oh man! You’re an engineer
I love what you do
So I’m singing a song about your clock for you.
我爱你
爱你爱到底
爱你
爱到什么都能编成曲
我要你爱我
爱到时钟停
爱我
爱到太阳不再升起来
And I wanted to know
What your digital clock does
Differently from other normal clocks
Can it go back in time
And undo all our crimes
Can it stop time from going by
Just tell me that
I’m not crazy
For being in love with you
I can write a song everything to do with you
Oh babe! You’re my super-man
Ping-pong-bat-man
I’m not singing a song about the clock, but you.
爱到疯爱到狂爱到烦爱到慌
爱到吵爱到闹爱到好爱到老

我爱你
爱你爱到底
爱你
爱到自己忘记叫什么名
我要你爱我
爱我爱到底
爱我
爱到永远都不放弃

我爱你
爱你爱到底
爱你
爱到什么都能编成曲
我要你爱我
爱到时钟停
爱我
爱到太阳不再升起

想和你在一起爱到die 到头白
爱不停爱到病爱不疑爱到底

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.

Happy listening ppl. Oh, and don't forget to comment on it also lak or give ideas ya.

But for me- i really think it is a very stupid song...all the words do not make any coherent sense or coherent relationship.. they just rhyme out of some hairwire inspiration...an engineering-student-friend's clock project and love?! what has that got to do with each other huh?? Hahaha!

妈妈好

2008-05-11T23:59:00.003+08:00

My mom loves me in so many ways, too many ways, i can write an endless novel about it all! But this song speaks of one very special occasion we walked through together- ---it was not on a birthday, not during work, not at the playground, not even during Mother's day...it would have been a greater torture if she was not there-i may not have stood up again without her. There was such a time in our lives!

As i compose this song, ayer~ every sentence feel like knife! Can't even sing it for her today, i try to rehearse first myself already choke up and nearly cry before i finish the first verse:S Don't know how i could ever get it recorded for her even...hiaz! Her love is too great...this song can't even describe just how great! I feel so sorry, comforted and grateful all at the same time! :S

二零零七年的五月底
我失恋*
我伤心
在大家面前装着没事情
却瞒不过您
您看透我的心

您拿酒杯盛满我的泪
喝下去把自己灌醉
好像失恋的人是您

那一切的事发生
让我肯定的知道
当年傻傻爱的那个人
远不比妈妈好!

在那残酷的黑夜里
我生病
瘦下去
黑圈装饰着您的眼睛
您却不在意
把我心碎片片拾起

您的憔悴是我的罪
您炖的汤我喝不下去
您陪着我多日失眠

那一切的事发生
让我明了世界上
会真正爱我的人难找
爱得比妈妈好!

* well don't get me wrong, i was not in a relationship...just think a bit and you'll agree that there are many ways to 失恋 (i.e. to get into a stage of disappointment concerning such matters) :P

Another song in que

2008-05-08T00:45:00.004+08:00

RRRRR!!! EEEAAHH!! i'm gonna yell it out here! Just threw out the chorus part for the Digital Clock song about one friend and his digital clock (i know-what the heck with a clock?!?!) while i was still writing the previous post :S Sheeeshhh!!! Can't sleep anymore. I hear it! I hear it! I hear riffs and clockish sounds...yeps it's half rap R&B-ish alright. :) Laugh and cry at the same time :S So exhausted... ...ah leave it in the pile until i find time to work it. I need someone to calm me down :S

Meanwhile, don't forget to sokong and comment Confession in the link in the right column :P i think soon i'll get the mp3 version up.. Those who sokong and gave comments (despite the horribly large size) , i appreciate so very much from the bottom of my heart! i learn so much and will apply in future works. You guys gives me much semangat! :)

冤枉

2008-05-05T06:41:00.004+08:00

恒爱-为何是我的名字？！这么巧吗？爱得辛苦。爱得心痛。不休。却没人珍惜过。
冤枉！哦，上帝，伸冤，求您为我伸冤！！！！冤枉冤枉冤枉冤枉冤枉委屈委屈委屈我并不生气，只是伤透了心。说我铁心，一整年，一整年，任何事情都能忍住眼泪；这回真的哭着祈祷到睡着。

Confession Lyrics

2008-04-29T01:17:00.005+08:00

At second thought, i post the lyrics now, coz the recording quality isn't that neat, plus me am no pro-vocalist, words may be poorly articulated and pronouciations certainly has some Chinese chiang :P (the song is sung in this order: verse 1 &2 ,bridge, chorus 1, verse 3, bridge, chorus 2, chorus 1 or 'aabcabdc' form) (the link of audio file is on the right column, or in previous post)

Confession

(verse1)
Sometimes
People tell a white lie to harden the heart
Avoid to fall in love again
Again
I have sinned again
A half lie is equally bad

(verse 2)
Sometimes people tell a white lie to cover the fears
Which generated tears that left the eyes
Once upon a time
A half lie is a bad disguise

(verse 3)
Sometimes people tell a white lie to hide all the scars
Left behind by love that failed
Half lies never help but made things complicated for us
I’m sorry

(bridge)
You cannot catch me telling you a lie
You believed in the lie that I should not have told
How can you catch me telling you a lie
Since you did not believe half the truth that I told

(Chor 1)
Do you actually believe there's someone else in my heart?! I am tired of pretending I don't care for you How had I survived so long by lying to ourselves ?! (so now) I Confess: I am helplessly in love-with you Nothing more Nothing less But the truth!

(Chor 2)
Do you actually believe there's someone else in my heart?! Won’t you learn to trust me more as I learn to trust in you?Hurting you is the very last Thing I would want to do!! Give me a chance, to share a dance with you, and let time prove, what I said is
Nothing more, Nothing less But the truth!

[Jane (c) 3rd Feb 2008 1:33 a.m]
[26th March 2008]

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.

Confession (Part 2)

2008-04-29T00:54:00.001+08:00

Doing asignment and 'official compositions' till so tired. So i side-tracked for 3 days. Here is my new song "Confession". (sorry ya, i dono how to upload a track right in bloggie here...anyone know how can pls teach me? thnx)

http://www.archive.org/details/Confession

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.

Details, lyrics and background story will blog bout it next time...now time is choking me too hard!! This song is far from good i think...but sincerely hope u all enjoy it. and comment comment on it k, i'm willing to learn :)

Missing Home

2008-04-20T19:02:00.006+08:00

Today is my 'day off' for bloghopping, msn-ing and lepak lepak in front of computer. (actually intended to burn the photoes into CDs to clear up my lappie's brain a bit, but well, din't go as planned...Ended up chatting wif dissappeared classmates, a few many cousins, my big brother in Aussie, another brother in Johor....blabla...so many...all over Malaysia, all over the world. "Quality bonding time"...i think my cuzzie Ed's cliche is stuck in my head now ;P

Just now i finally heard the voices of my 爷爷and 奶奶after soooo looong..
over Skype. my cuzzie Ed put us on the line. Thankx dear cuzzie!! Huggss!! Managed to talk to Da Gu (Big Aunt@ dad's sister) also.

And grandma...and grandpa...But he was mostly puzzled at the technology.. Managed to talk (actually almost shouting coz he cant quite hear very well) for a bit. A bit niah...haiz...why din't let him talk longer larr~~~barely hear him over the excited chatter of everyone around :P haha.

I heard that my other couzzie and aunt was there too, but also din't get to talk to them even...wonder why was the call so hurried. Maybe they din't know it's free for Skype to skype users. Besides the weather in Kch there is freaky, so there was quite a gud bit of interference...HHaizz

Jun beh jun, everyone except me was home when cuzzie called me. They went out for the grocceries and taking bro and sis for a walk. aih..sayang..

Miss them grandparents so much ah... ... see when can call them again.. Also my gung-gung and popo too...see how and when to call them...that's the problem lor~~coz need the young generation like us to help them set up the gadgets. Not to say granparents generation, even parents' generation generally blur about the computer stuffs. Dono bout other ppl's parents lak. But i'm quoting from my own experience that every now and then parents drag me out to troubleshoot stuffs tho i'm no techno-savvy wizard at all...:S

And San Gu and San Gu Zhang, miss them all too...even came to the airport to send us off last year...so touching...boohuhu.. now suddenly can feel eyes got tears...

waw..lemme see, i think i din go msning for like doonoo how long already!! Even when i sign in msn for a while is to check the mail and offline msg and reply accordingly. Then. Poooff, need to run again...Moreover, i don't normally go online on Sunday even! The whole month was basically check email, reply or delete. lidat niah. Updated bloggie a bit, in a very rushed manner typing like 100000 words per second *exagerations* but u know wad i mean :P But today i allow myself to type slowly and think nicely^^

Haiz...the catching up is great of course. But makes me miss home more. Went to Chuch also feel so lonely and out of place...ppl here are generally cold tho there are nice ppl too lak...but it's so wiered!

Since I came here,

There has not been a day i remember that i did not think of home.
There has not been a day i stopped having hope to go home. Even for a short visit.

There has not been a day i felt like staying here for the rest of my life, tho this place is a great place. Quite. Nice lar...am thankful to God for bringing me here. Surely He has his plan...tho i dono exactly what...I just trust.

There has not been a day i can even envision myself getting married to a local(since i'm basically stuck here for quite sum time) No Matter What SOooo maaannyyy ppl tell me. I know u all meant well for me to be taken care of for the rest of my life. As if i must be wedded within this 5 yrs...swt..SWT..But try to understand my thinking! Nah, i don't care if anyone understand or not at all, as long as i know what i'm doing and thinking. I'm NOT gonna be persuaded!!

Don't tell me anymore pleeezzee!! am annoyed. I dont want to,okay. For now No matter what ppl say or think, I STILL think Kuching guys are HHAAWWTEST and KKEWLLEST !!! Or of course, Malaysian. Notice i write very clearly 'For Now', har..It MAY CHANGE who knows...who knows. Not that i'm racist or anything...just that I have enuf culture and envioromental change that i'm pulling tru at the moment. But what not, home is a place one is familiar with. Home is made up of familiar ppl familiar culture. Home is where one grew up.

Imagine being at some place with uncertainty. I packed, Packed everything, except my music stand and the piano. I don't understand why on earth i did not pack the music stand! It's so illogical! I just know, when i do go home, many questions will be answered and many things resolved.

There has not been a day that i did not pray that i can go home for CNY next year...it's like a far away wish...Sigh...

----
but where is my 'home'? What is 'home'? Actually my home is here also- my family is here...actually China is my home also, my bloodline is from there, yet...arg. I don't know..maybe home is everywhere, it can be anywhere...dono dono dono...

2008-04-17T23:08:00.002+08:00

Normally, i won't bother with Canto-pop coz i dont understand 5% by listening to anything for now. Jus came by it in otherppl's blog so i pluck it over..Well, the written words are basically same in converying meaning, (i mean, it's plain Chinese characters ) lyrics very meaningful...and d singer d way he sing it-like a big pat on the shoulder :S

haiz...So touching :'( wanna cry. Yet feel strong at the same time.
Blueksss...emo again...mayb mentally and physically too tired dy..ciaozzzzzzzzzzz..

2008-04-17T17:44:00.002+08:00

忙忙忙
boh-eng boh-eng boh-eng
mou-han mou-han mou-han
bz bz bz
sibuk sibuk sibuk

until...
1. front hair grow so long till cover my eyes and no time to cut
1.5 same for someplace u-noe-i-noe that no choice but to wear shirt with sleeve everyday :P so ma-huannnn coz it too Hawtt over here!!!!
2. contact lenses has run out liao!! help!! use lens for the last 6 yrs stoped the scary power increase. Got new prescription still haven go collect from the eye optopus logist whatever.. not enuf brain space for that word...
4. email box overflowing with letters to reply( and junk to go tru and delete)
5. forgot to fix my nails that grew too long making a horrible clanky sympathetic vibration effect on guzheng -_-"
6. i think...i din step out of house for like 1 week already!!
7. if mom dint call me for dinner i probly had forgotten to eat this whole week.

I need inspiration. 2 weeks deadline. already used up 1 week trying to dream up something for the guzheng..flat out..

ｂｕｔ　ｉ　ａｉｎｔ　ｇｏｎｎａ　ｇｉｖｅ　ｕｐ　ｆｉｇｈｔｉｎｇ！！！ｉ　ｌｕｒｖ　ｍｕａｈ　ａｔｔｉｔｕｄｅ　！！

ham sap lou

2008-04-10T02:06:00.000+08:00

Okay this is not the first time already. It happens so often until i wanna learn shaolinkungfu. Hmm...even long jeans trousers gets IT, just about anything i wear gets IT. No matter how decent, well covered-up, and normal..Plus, is there anything strange about wearing decent skirts and decent dresses in HK? Are they in anyway provocative or testerone reactive?!

This sunny morning i went down to pick my brother home from the school bus. And got those guys scanning me from head to toe! I cant help looking around myself to see anything wrong or not- like a big splatter of tomato sause down my skirt or what... ... eeEeEEE their eyes hamsap like wanna eat ppl, like magnet, no self-control lidat de wor!! Look till ga-ga... eeee...I Tell You, it is very easy to tell a CHEEKO stare from a DECENT normal look. eeeEEeeE...why hor..

This was when i really wished there was some1 here to protect me by just being with me! YEEEEEE...felt quite scared but helpless. The eyes belongs to them wad...not that i can dig them out no?!

This YY 'XYwhylogist' reports:

2008-04-03T17:05:00.000+08:00

'Men are from Mars, and women are from Venus'. All too familiar cliche. I think men are from Pluto and women from Mercury! remember it well ah, or u r bound for confusion upon reading further...

Latest discovery: Guys are the most facinating, adorable, amazing, strange, wonderful, captivating, lovable, glorious, intriguing, marvelous, jaw-dropping, eye-popping, sigh-evoking... visible yet unreachable, and........drum roll...... most ???puzzling??? creature. in. the. whole. wide.universe !!! U.N.I.V.E.R.S.E !!! Amen !!! ooowwwhhhh....

I used to be an innocent, naive, 呆 and simple thinking type who become nga-nga at arts and pictures, plainly ignore conscious math calculations whenever i can (coz me dono how to solve it), and thinks nothing much but music, God, and music . Yea, that's the normal me. Nothing special, just plain-Ai-Ai. Well, still am mostly.

But one important side of me has changed violently! Did not quite realize it going for recent years. Something suddenly shook me up to see. Until i dont quite know myself anymore....

Why do i think so much nowadays?! I'm not supposed to by nature! Donwan to get grey hair and wrinkles larh! Like any other girl i oso gian swei ba...But I really wanna be just normal. Why all of a sudden? Why me, the born pig-sleeper, cannot sleep for months?! When i do sleep, i dont want to wake up from my sweetdreams and nightmares even! As if nightmares are good... ...well at least it's not reality...I've become a music-emocentric (always was, but worsenned now), 'em-as-enaddict', and a XY-whylogist. I'm nuts! Get a nut-cracker and save me anyone!

I think, think and think. I think i found the answer. Those creatures from Pluto...!!! Nonono, not blaming u or God. Just that these creatures have taken the facinating form of music and arts, and blardy difficult math which i cannot ignore !

But because i dont understand them Plutorian math, so i do math all wrong. Wrong still have no idea wrong where! And Plutorians frustrated just because i use the Mercurian formula, since that is the only formula i know... ...Sigh ...sumore they dowan to share their Plutorian formula. Or that i misinterpreted the Plutorian Language! Means i gotta learn some Bahasa Pluto too?!?!? in addition to Cantonese and Greek...Pening pening pening... Whooommff...I dont wanna grow up.

I dowan..I dowan.. Dowan..doowan.doan.dwan.dwn.dn.uh. I just want my innocent child-likeness back. But i donwan to be childish, Nah, i guess i'm not and wont be :) Just to be care-free. and math-free, hello !! Not so now, I do LIKE the math now, but pleezz, simplified Plutorian math? Or at least, gimme hard-core totorial pretty pleeezzz?

Okay.
" Dear Creatures from Pluto, harmless friendly Mercurian landing on your planet..." Nah, here is my Visa, see... .... .... ... it says 1987; PR: Earth..and Plutorians who has Earth PR are welcome on Mercury too.

Girl's best friend...??

2008-04-01T20:00:00.006+08:00

...besides my human fwens... :P 'Isn't she lovely?' Sigh...

想你。。。

*notice the double date stamp- it was taken in 1997 sumth if not mistaken, n i took another photo of the photo with digicam.

Her name is D.2 (Dunamai/Δυναμαι 2; her elder sister Δυναμαι 1; it means I am powerful/i am able in Greek.)

A bit of her history: both her parents, Logos/Λογος(The Word of God/refering to the Bible) and Rhema/Ρημα(the spoken Word of God), were abondoned at the road side of our home in Kuching, both were black, but well, they had an odd orange pup while the other 3 (2 died at birth) were black.

D2 was born deformed in her rear legs and could not walk (i.e she can do a 180 degree split and drag herself around on her front legs). Her mother tried to ignore her in favor of the healthy-born sibling. She was slow, so others eat up her food. Bully her. How mean. We always tried to help her by picking her up and bringing her around.

She was determined to be indpendant. so my grandpa came up with an idea to help her walk. So she did with the aparatus for years, and eventually got off her 'crutches'. I tell ya she could sprint and jump over the not-so-low fence wei !!!

There was this dog sickness and jerks around trying to kill our family of doggies. All died and only she of her family survived. My dad who has the annoying habit of reversing the car with speed ran over her legs, tail and even neck, yes even her NECK on a couple of occations but she survived it all! (of course my dad kena us 'scold' :P)

She had 4 kids and even seen her granchildren. They all 'went' years and years before her. She grew blind with age, and her hearing confused,but her nose was excellent. Still very very strong and active, so causing us to have to get her out of the drain quite often. She could well have lived another 10 years no problem no joke.

We named her well.

She may be just a dog. But she taught me a lot in life. Taught me to be tough, never to take any life for granted. The last lesson she taught me. She never got to see how well or bad i learnt it. But I am determined not to secretly regret again. NO!

She is supposed to celebrate her 13th birthday this year too. But just weeks before her 12th... tragedy...Sob sob...I miss D2 so much...

I miss many people, some who are already gone like D2...well not exactly miss dearly, but like well...they are no longer in the same realm as us..

There may never be another tomorrow to show how much u love and care for another person. Haiz..

After reading the story of D2, hopefully u will be encouraged, feel stronger, and feel loved. Even if u feel like the odds are great, the world is falling on u, and no one cares, God does. And i do, too :)

a quick scribble.

2008-03-24T17:54:00.005+08:00

Suddenly rmbr one song written in 2001- its a nothing-special kinda song lah the tune and words jus sound very expected...don't really like it lar...it's a song of wishing to undo the past which cant be undone...even the tittle is SO lame ' Start all over again'...>_<>_< ... ...(o jane is crapping about piano again-roll eyes@@ ) i dont mean to brush anyone off ya. I am nice. wont eat people.

AAAnywayy, Dont forget to look at that strange paragraph below o...Hve fun *wink... take care... ah released off this excess energy, fingers tired liao. Full Stop cadential V-I. Tonic pedal .ritardando. morendo. sempre pianissimo. decrescendo. (read as fee-ne) fine. : )

Read it

2008-03-24T11:51:00.004+08:00

Hey people, this is so fun :P Please read the following paragraph---and tell me what u think ya...kheeheehee

Can you find out what is unusual about this paragraph? It looks so ordinary that you would think that nothing was wrong with it at all. In actual fact nothing is wrong with it. But it is distinctly odd. If you look at it and think for a bit you may find out what is so unusual about it. Look through this paragraph again, study it thoroughly, and you may find what is missing. Most folk can do it in about half an hour but can you do it in half that? Now can you say what is wrong with this paragraph?

UFO vs SARS

2008-03-21T22:39:00.006+08:00

For one week... finally i can sing as loud as i want, all the food begins to have taste again and my nose-hose water has stopped. So it was NOT SARs horaayy what a freak-out in addition to the already cramped up not-a-minute-free-week -_-"

Mom made me wear a mask even at home! And my 4 year old brother remarked matter-of-factly, "Jane. You are wearing a mask." ..i know i know i know!...swt...Made to keep all my windows open despite the most hatable sound of noise of endless traffic. Bliv me, it is jst as noisy at 5 p.m as it is in 3 a.m !!! Shheeesshh...but btr than keeping the UFO-Unidentified Flu Omen within the 4 walls. Eat also need an exclusive VIP plate with all my share pre-arranged in it... Sien larh...wad to do, i must, my cute young siblings at home wor...and i see the soap and washing liquids depleting rapidly. And so was the tissue paper, until i caught my sister red-handed trying to curi them for sum stupid tissue paper doll which from past experiences, i observed, ended up as shreds and clots in the toilet bowl...hmpf.

Yeah, could not blow flute whole week too. For one thing i couldn breathe in good speed and the cough. More importantly coz i let sister use my flute to practise the stuff i taught her. Most importantly is the fact that if the virus stays in the flute, anyone who plays it will keep getting sick. And tragicly, we can't pour clorox in without saying goodbye to it.

Being sick doesn't stop my naughtiness no. One day dived for some forbidden chocolate wafer cubes under cover, meant to be, but, well, cover blown, so i had to 随机应变（improvise):
me: *crunch crunch...gasp... *妈，怪，没味道的。。。和上次的，一样牌子？（Ma, no taste...is it same brand as the one bought last time?)
mom: SSSame...gimme one too...crunch...很甜(so very sweet still) lei...aiyer, u, actually these days you should not eat these kinds of food errr...

She was going to say all the other things any mother would say. 'u coughing ah bla bla...' NOPE...
me: (trying not to croak ) heeee yea i know but...
mom: u cant taste anything. 吃浪费de (eat wasting only)..:P ..hahaa...so,erm,actually u don't Need to lar.
me: ... ... ...(thinking very hard for an excuse to get away with it, aha!) haha,indeed吃浪费哦 me 。。。beh gam uuan...
再来一个, hehehe, 吃报仇！！！

(Crunch crunchcrunch. Crunch chrrrunch...um-um...)kheeheehee..emm, i am not 'wasting' Mom...i really can taste it better now...i jus needed a few more cubes to taste it even better...(hands dipping into the container again) :P

Who Is Jesus ?

2008-03-15T22:29:00.000+08:00

The Piano Ghost again !

2008-03-13T22:57:00.004+08:00

Aiyaiyaiyaiyaaaa.....just sooo irritated with the absence of a piano...16 days and 23 hours i din't see a piano already ar!! I'm piano sick. Wanna cry dy ! boohooohoo...
I dreamt of a 12 feet Steinway Concert Grand- forget it.
6 feet standard grand-forget it.
A baby grand- forget it.
An upright- forget it.
A second hand upright-forget it.
A digital piano-forget it.
88-key full length keyboard-forget it.
3 octave half size synthesizer-forget it.
USB midi piano-KIV. where's the $??
Concert pianist- FORGET IT !!! I don't wanna dream to be one. All i wanted to do is de-rust my head n listen to 4-part harmonies and chord progressions, so that i can remember how to write out the sound i want in the compositions and song-writing... sigh... It cant be done on flute coz it cant play chords (!). It cant be done on guzheng coz it is not diatonic/chromatic tuned.
Frankly, even a little toy piano will drive me nuts now !!! If i ever spotted one, i'm gonna eat it !!!

Last evening

2008-03-13T11:56:00.003+08:00

Let the pics help speak.. i just add on a few words ya...

Family with uncle Thomas- CEO of the organization dad is working with.
...and again.. uncle Thomas wanted to hide behind sis to cover up his size.. lol !

then we met up with uncle Rockson (beside dad) for dinner...whenever i needed 'emergency practice' for exam, interview, audition, ppls wedding, uncle Rockson and family kindly let me use their piano :) When we just arrived last August in Hk before our cargo did, his wife lent mom pots, pans and rice cooker...They live like 10 mins walk away from us, a couple of blocks away..

Card from the CCL c0-workers, uncle Thomas brought it along on their behalf.. ( that desktop screen...hmmm...) make my heart torn in 2- China n M'sia. There is always this tug of war...unexplainable...love both dearly.
inside the card...so touching..snif..snif...was painful to get uprooted from the place i grew up. culture, friends, food, weather, language. But there is a purpose. This is how serious i'm taking my life now. Taking the risk. Giving up the 'safe' feeling. But i know God will never let me down! :) here goes, on the lighter note...."Christ is the Head of This House". The gift picture from CCL ...selected by one of them younger ones (about my age, maybe older lah- i mean, in 'our generation' de. Just look at the colors!!
Dad 'pan cool' ^^ Dad said, why i just take picture of the picture, no 'meaning' wad...:P So he went there to become 'a meaning'. Lol !!

...invited mom to 'pan cool' wif him haha :) Official lauching of the picture on the wall :P

...everyone fancied the pic so much!!! Looks so cheerful- how can kids not be attracted to it ?!?! including that 'adult kid' .. bluekss...

Some decent updates and reflections

2008-03-11T00:39:00.004+08:00

Well some real updates. Not the emo emo stuff :) So, today i had a good day wasting time, basically achieving nothing for today but a nice let-go. Pushed myself too hard last week lah, maybe because i really did not want to let my mind drift into the things that makes me sad, that is, sweeping it under the carpet and pretending it's not there...the fact is, it still bothers me that is why i cant sleep again at this odd hour. Ah well !

But what i did last week helped me pick up momentum of de-rusting the things i must and got me on track something new of journaling with God. It is a way of learning how to listen to, reconize, and distinguish the Voice of God from the voice of my mind (that is, thoughts) :) So with that u can say i actually communicated with Christ ! I'm not joking here. seriously.

Hearing God
i understand now for myself that 'praying' is not doing something, but it's communicating with SomeOne. Very often we 'pray' like presenting a list of wishes, complaints, and questions to The Lord. Okay, finished praying. Off to do stuff dy...But when God starts talking, was there anyone waiting and listening?? Sigh... even i used to 'pray' like a long time and a lot of things, but i did not stop in between to hear what He has to say!! Is that called communicating?? So last week, when i was just down, hopeless, helpless, doubtful, restless and lousy, Christ told me many things, and gave me guidance in how to handle things in life. Gave me faith and strength to go on :) Well, go ahead label me and laugh at me being so 'churchy' so 'Jesus freak' so 'Biblical' whatever, I don't mind :D My life is no less difficult, in fact, more pain for the principles i refuse to let go of. But because i found my answer in Christ, He forgives all my sins, made my life meaningful, it is a blessing, i want everyone i know to know He is the Way, the Truth and the Life! I am a bad lousy fwen if I keep something gud to myself and not share it hor.. So i wont shut-up !!!! :P

Student Life
So back to how i wasted my time today: replying a stack of procastinated emails, keep checking USQ webmail to see if my composition examiner replied...tensen-nya, one week sem start already still haven't dispatched back my previous composition and assign me new tasks and datelines...hmpf. But if she is so late, i'll ask for long extentions la :P

Exam results for my very last USQ paper is out.. quite happy with it, just a bit geram it cant get the highest grade..i did calculate, that i would need to score 98% for the exam only can get HD!!! Crayjee ah!!! To get 98% for written essay subjective questions ?!?!?! But i did not think that was impossible tho. Only if my 2 Concerto assignments were much better, say 90% (also a crayjee figure) maybe, just maybe, have a slim chance... ...but still grateful to God lah for this results. Could have been worse.

So, all the stress daysss, and of getting sick coz of it pay off now with a straight record :) Imagine studying 2 years for a degree without any lectures and tutorials, and working part time 1 year plus !!!!! Was so hard indeed. Not just that, u know-the kind of loneliness of studying alone, go library alone (dad said state library is my 'campus'), going for exams with just 1 person in the exam hall and 2 examiners starring at u...what kind of student life ?!?! Only for d last 2 papers which i sat for after arriving HK did i not look like a cactus in the middle of the desert. But still, of the 40+ candidates, i was the only music student, always sitting on seat no:1...haha.

Planning
Then i made the week planning, using the time to plan when i should be doing the plan! Ended up so tired to do tedious mental work of analysing harmonic chords and progressions of the Dominant/ V7...but i was supposed to do that last week. haiz...also din't finish reading my Bible 'quota' for d day. Feel so incomplete. And the Chuch Music series, history, score/antalogy of Medieval and Renaissance music...hmpf.. all lagging. My poor harp and flute collecting dust again.

blog 红.刃.七
So i wasted the remaining time creating another new blog 红.刃.七on Wordpress, password enabled for individual posts...hehee...yup, it is basically a blog dedicated to deep, sensitive, scary, nonsense, and sentimental, and imaginary stuff. I can't litter this 'Red is the Color of My Heart' with all that can i ?? haha. Imagine reality and imaginary, sanity and insanity, water and fire, all a paradox in here...No way...This is my way of emotional management in writting. So 红.刃.七 is gonna be a much more messy, chaotic, and very crude, passionate, direct, transparent blog. You may find an opera script there one day :P Not for the faint-hearted..okay, added the link on my String-links here, but if lazy can just click here http://redblade7.wordpress.com/ . But may take quite some time for more visible things to appear ah. it's more like my backup storage for the extra inspiration that havent found it's way into a new song yet.

Well nothing is gonna really change in the nature of my posts here anyway :) So i've also wasted my sleep time now. It's gonna be a really really busy week again...so i have emptied all this stuff from my head into my blogs. Now i can breathe with a clear empty mind for further hard-core brain work. i wont be wasting any more time. starting from now. It is 4 15 a.m....zzzzzzzzz

Everyone jia you !!!! fight !!! piah !!!!

this Story

2008-03-07T18:16:00.007+08:00

(The performer added some secondary extended chords and 7ths chords so it sounds a bit jazzy..)

This rock guitar rendition is how i wanna wail my heart out. it's neat...

I've become a mother (part 2)

2008-03-05T15:42:00.002+08:00

So the elder kid is 8 and younger one is 4. i'm 20. 20-8=12. illogical hoh :P when the elder one was born i don even have any 'The ingredient of babies' yet... lol lol lol lol !!!!!! Even now i have my 'ingredient', still haven't found the 'other ingredients' bah :P

In conclusion. my sister and brother...cis...sumtimes, they mistaken me as our mother too...haiz, they actually called me 'mom' many times when i was doing stuff in the kitchen and they thought it was mom they were talking to, until i yell at them 'i'm not mom!!!!!' Then the whole house cracks into laughter ...sheesh...not because i'm old (haiz...ppl oweys think i'm 17 btw), but cozzzzz---

Mom stays young and keeps her figure quite well (yeeeaap. i often had to snatch away the biscuit tin away from her or 'scold' her to stop snacking on stuff and remind her that her tummy is gaining spare tires or else...). And ppl say i look a lot like her. Almost every other day we get comments that we are sisters, and sum crazy days when ppl's eyes went out of sync...'oh, twins'!!
swt......-_-"
Then they will rub their eyes and look closer and say to mom, 'oh, (pointing at me) this is the younger version of you... :P

I've become a mother (part 1)

2008-03-02T19:20:00.006+08:00

I've become a mother today. A single one. From the moment i woke up, life revolved all around my two kids- made their formula milk. Boiled water. Washed their bottles. Cooked breakfast... Dressed them up and made sure they wore enough in this cold wheather...and made everything on the dot-Meticulous stuff, making sure they wash hands with soap, not drop food crumbs around the house blablabla... ... ... ... and settled everything in the house before locking the gates behind us...

One in each hand, i walked my kids to Church. Usually, i only took care of one child when it comes to going anywhere coz the other will be taken care of by the father...We were earlier than usual without anyone else to slow us down today. I took them up to Sunday School, where, i met other parents... I must have looked like the youngest one there...feeling awkward...teenage mother? Occupying one place in one row, with no one beside me today...

Back from Church. 'keep your shoes'. 'wash your hands'. tidy up your coats'. Left the children alone to play, reminding them every now and then to 'be harmonious' and 'not too loud'. The house chores-floor, dishes, laundry (what i do every day, not just today anyway)...Dug around the cupboard and fridge for ingredients and cooked up a nutritious healthy lunch of shushi for my kids. Yum...gave them their vitamin C ( and, i ate one too, coz its looked like candy :P)

Left them to continue their playing again while i check stuffs online...Then, made them take their baths. The younger one needed more assistance-basically i just get him tru the process 1 to 10 up to getting his hair blown dry and off to play again. The elder one is more or less independant.

My kids were angels today ! They seem to understand what is going on around us today, whatever it is...So cooperative, obedient, and generally well behaved that i am so proud of them! So i let them play computer game on my lappie before dinner :) ... ...

Mother...
but still can't do, without the other...
(to be continued in part 2. (any comments left will be answered there))

Let the Silence Speak

2008-03-01T10:22:00.004+08:00

If your heart were the piano…
I was playing one
Without keys

If your lips were the mouth piece of the flute…
I played the flute
Without its head-joint

If your voice were the harp…
I played on one
Of which all the strings broke

If your eyes were the music score…
I looked into one
With twenty-four pages of tacet

If your face were a melody…
I heard before
And hear no more

If your life were the orchestral manuscript…
I am the pen that ran out of ink
Never refilled to complete the music…

Let the silence speak...

The question now is: Who are 'you', where are 'you'?

29th of February

2008-02-29T18:40:00.002+08:00

If i were to celebrate or comemorate something on this date, it can only be done once in every 4 years......the event will still be remembered of course, just that the exact date doesn't exist every year...

'A day that failed to exist for 3 years' ?

hmm...

2008-02-27T12:13:00.003+08:00

Imagine Moses climbing up Mount Horeb to recieve the Ten Commandments at quite an old man age, not like there's a proper pavement to climb up...He was not tired even... Walked up the Peak Road on CheungChau island to the seminary. Well, nothing compared to Moses at Mount Horeb...no awesome stone tablets or the Torah whatsoever but a 30 minute interview and audition...mission accomplished :D awaiting God's answer. "Down the mountain we go again lalalalala :D"

Owh my spine !!! Really hurts lah...now become 2 bones... :(

Draggin lappie and orchestral conductor scores, sprinting across terminals tryin to jump into trains and ferries that are screeeching wistles of departure...What an exciting day of land and sea! :D dono what will happen if my 'babe' came along (don't jealous!!^^guzheng:P) Thank God it didnt have to be...lappie already gimme a backache enuf !!

plain tiredness.

2008-02-26T23:25:00.001+08:00

-KONK OUT-

ouch spine,
will you please...

SHUT UP?!?!